The Price of Secrets
by caitybug13
Summary: "You're so strong and so courageous. I knew I had to love the woman who could hold up under all the pressure of being ladybug." "But Chat, I didn't hold up. I collapsed beneath it." Trigger Warning: contains mild content pertaining to depression, anxiety, self harm, and suicide. Should not be graphic but will be an underlying theme.
1. Chapter 1: Ladybug is Late

"You're so strong and so courageous. I knew I had to love the woman who could hold up under all the pressure of being ladybug."

"But Chat, I didn't hold up. I collapsed beneath it."

…..

Ch. 1

"Aren't you hot?" Marinette drew in a startled breath and glanced to her right, where Adrien was dropping onto the bench beside her.

It was the middle of summer, and Marinette Dupain-Cheng still wore her black jacket over her t-shirt.

She'd known this would come eventually. She had planned for it, in fact. If she could have told her friends she was secretly the girl under the ladybug mask, she could have used the excuse that she had a number of blooming bruises to hide that were from the increasingly tough fights when acting as a superhero. But that was a secret, alongside the real reason she was wearing her jacket.

"I um – I burn really … easily," she stuttered, despite the fact that she'd rehearsed the excuse more than a dozen times in her head. Adrien didn't notice though, probably because he was so used to her stuttering around him.

He smiled and turned away from her, sticking his arm in his backpack briefly before emerging with a tube of sunblock and a gentle smile.

Marinette's heart melted, but there were other feelings stirring there too, ones she tried to force back down.

"I always carry some with me," Adrien explained. "My dad doesn't want me to hurt my skin in case I get called for a shoot." He held the sunblock out to her.

"Oh – uh, no thanks." Marinette cleared her throat and shrugged sheepishly, pulling the ends of her jacket down over her palms subconsciously. "I think I'll be going home soon anyway."

"Oh, okay." He looked her up and down for a moment, a weird expression on his face, before he finally turned to put the tube of sunblock back. Marinette let her breath out slowly.

She stood and looked around her at her friends. Normally, Marinette wouldn't go home until the others did, especially on the rare opportunity that Adrien got to be with them, but she had already told Adrien she'd be heading home soon, and she didn't want to look suspicious if she didn't. The summer heat was making her lightheaded anyway.

"Are you sure you have to go?" Adrien asked, looking up at her, and Marinette's heart did a flip. She wanted to sit down and be with him, especially since he seemed so disappointed to see her go. But, right now, she suddenly felt the strongest urge to be alone, where she didn't have to worry about keeping secrets from anyone.

"Yeah. I bake." Marinette flinched. Apparently, she still couldn't get her words out around Adrien, even when she was preoccupied and feeling depressed. "I mean, I uh … I have to bake! At the bakery. I have to bake my parents." She groaned, covering her eyes with her small hand. "I mean… I have to bake for my parents at the bakery!" She peeked between her fingers at the model. Adrien had one eyebrow quirked up but otherwise did not seem confused. At least she'd been able to say what she meant, even if she'd had to yell it all in one breath to do it.

"Okay. I'll see you later then Mari."

Marinette blushed at the nickname, then quickly turned to leave.

...

She was late to patrol that night.

She was trying to hurry, she really was, but she felt tired. It didn't make much sense to her. She shouldn't be tired when she'd been sleeping so much lately. She wondered idly if maybe she was coming down with something, but quickly dismissed the idea. This didn't feel like sickness, and she'd been feeling this way for weeks.

Her work as both ladybug and Marinette had been weighing on her lately. Could mental exhaustion make her feel physically tired?

She tried to snap herself out of her thoughts when she neared the designated meeting place. Chat Noir was turned away from her, pacing nervously on the edge of the rooftop. His broad shoulders were tense and he gripped his baton in both hands, looking down at it periodically. When Ladybug dropped to the rooftop, he turned to her immediately, eyes wide.

"You're late," he observed in a tight voice, but he seemed to physically relax after his eyes slid over her obviously whole and unharmed body. She felt a little guilty for worrying him. "You're never late," he added, approaching her quickly but stopping before he got too close. Always the perfect gentleman.

Ladybug felt guilty again.

"I'm sorry," she said, stepping past him to plop down on the edge of the rooftop and dangle her feet over. She kept her face turned away as she made her excuse. "I had schoolwork and lost track of time."

She squeezed her nails into her thighs and felt frustrated when she felt nothing through her Ladybug suit. She'd just lied to her partner, her best friend, and not for the sake of protecting her identity.

Chat Noir took a seat beside her and pulled her hands from her lap, either not noticing her small bit of personal violence, or simply not commenting on it. He held her hand in his, and he did not pull it to his lips to flirt with her.

How was it that Chat could read her so well?

She'd always thought of him as just a goofy flirt, in love with a girl who wasn't even real. But she had to admit in moments like these that, even if he was silly and was a flirt, there was more to him. It was moments like these that, if she weren't entirely hung up on Adrien, she could see herself giving into his embrace and his comfort. At least once.

She pulled away and Chat Noir sighed, probably knowing that she was thinking of another guy.

"Can I ask you something, M'lady?"

"Chat, you know I can't tell you anything that might compromise our identities…"

"No, no, M'lady. No worries there. You know I will be purrrfectly respectful of your purrivacy."

Chat Noir glanced at her out of the corner of his eye, grinning at his pun, and Ladybug cracked a small smile despite herself. "Fine. You can ask. I'll decide if I can answer or not."

His smile faltered for a moment, a ghost of an emotion playing in his eyes. "Are you alright?"

Ladybug flinched in surprise and felt warmth rise to her cheeks when Chat squeezed her hand in response. He must have really been concerned about her, to get so serious. Chat was rarely serious.

"I'm fine," she answered, and it was only after the words left her lips that she realized she'd said them too fast and had looked away from her partner's inquisitive eyes. Even he would be able to read that there was more than she was saying.

"Bugaboo … you've not been yourself lately. Please don't insult my love for you by thinking I wouldn't notice." He paused and brought her knuckles up to press to his lips. His lips quirked up, a ghost of his typical playful behavior. For some reason it made her relax. He kissed her hand again. "M'lady, you know you can tell me anything, right?"

This made her tense again, which in turn made Chat's ears flatten slightly in confusion. What he'd said shouldn't have upset her so.

"I can't tell you, Chat. Not this."

She left her reasoning unspoken, and she let Chat assume it was because the answer to his question would come too close to revealing her identity. She didn't want to admit her real reasoning. What she couldn't tell him wouldn't really reveal who she was under the mask. She couldn't tell him because she was ashamed. Chat Noir thought more of her than anyone else in the world did. Out of everyone, she couldn't tell him the truth. She didn't want to watch his disappointment or see his face when his dreams of the perfect Ladybug were crushed and he fell out of love with her.

Chat stood, obviously frustrated. Ladybug didn't know what she'd let show on her face, but Chat turned away in response. His shoulders were tense again.

He clenched his fists and Ladybug worried about his rising emotional level. Neither of them had been aluminized yet, but it certainly could happen. She stood and looked around her nervously. Between the two of them, certainly Hawkmoth would feel the negative emotions and try to use them. But no butterfly emerged and Ladybug thought that perhaps Hawkmoth was already asleep. Ladybug looked back at her partner. He clenched his fists and stared hard at the ground.

"Keeping our identities a secret can't be worth this," he ground out. "I can't even help you! If I knew you were okay, it would be one thing … but you're not. I can clearly see that!" Chat Noir wouldn't look at her, and Ladybug's heart squeezed. She was hurting her partner and her best friend, but she couldn't help it. She didn't know what else to do.

Chat's ears flattened entirely to his head as he stood there, completely dejected. Ladybug thought that even if rain suddenly began pouring down over him it couldn't make this scene any more heartbreaking. She wanted nothing more than to ease his mind.

Stepping forward lightly, Ladybug touched his shoulder in reassurance. "I'm sorry, kitty. I didn't realize how much this was hurting you. It isn't anything that serious. I've just been tired and I …" When she hesitated Chat turned around quickly, grabbing ahold of her hand. Even though she hadn't shared much, the indication that she would give him something, anything, brought a hopeful, yet still concerned, gleam to his eye. His ears twitched up.

"You what? Just tell me what is bothering you. I can't stand being helpless."

"I shouldn't …" Ladybug hesitated, thinking about what she'd been about to tell him. She wasn't going to tell him what was really bothering her, that was for sure, but she was contemplating divulging a few of her stressors to her best friend, one of which was about a particular green-eyed wonderful boy who held her heart. "I shouldn't talk to you about this, Chat. I don't want to hurt you."

"I don't care. You can trust me with anything, whatever you want. Don't worry about me, Bugaboo."

In a rare moment of outward love toward the cat superhero, Ladybug's eyes softened and she squeezed his hands. "But I do worry about you Chaton. You're my best friend."

Chat beamed at her admission, but he still didn't break eye contact. He obviously wasn't getting distracted that easily. However, Ladybug had lost quite a bit of her tense and depressed aura at his insistent concern. She had to admit that seeing him care about her so seriously made all her loneliness feel less daunting.

"I've just been experiencing some boy drama," the female superhero finally admitted, shrugging nonchalantly. Although there was much more to it than that, she had been calmed enough by her partner to be convincing. Chat still seemed to expect her to share, so she added, cringing imperceptivity at the lie, "There is nothing more going on. I promise."

Chat Noir seemed satiated, at least in part. He let go of her hands and stepped back, but his eyes still seemed particularly attentive. Ladybug knew she would have to be careful to better conceal her emotions for a little while.

She sighed loudly and stretched, trying to encourage her kitty to let go of some tension. "Ready to go on patrol now?" she asked, grinning at her partner when his demeanor perked up at the idea. He'd always loved patrol, and Ladybug had to remind herself not to think too much about why patrol seemed so freeing for him. She couldn't risk discovering his identity. "I don't know about you," she admitted, "but I could do to get out and get some exercise."

Chat finally grinned back at her. He bent down and leaned on his baton, tilting his head flirtatiously. Ladybug rolled her eyes at his antics. "How about a race?" he suggested, and Ladybug laughed, causing the cat's smile to only brighten further. Ladybug noticed this and was glad she'd been able to turn her spirits around for him, even if temporarily.

"You know I'll just beat you, kitty," she gloated.

"Not this time." He grinned and winked and then suddenly took off, hopping across rooftops with absolutely no warning.

"Hey! That's cheating!" Ladybug shouted after him, but gave herself a moment to laugh before she swung after him.

At first, both superheroes went about their typical patrol with a carefree attitude. They were racing, in part, but not too seriously. Both knew that Ladybug would win, not necessarily because she was better than him, but there was a bit more advantage to swinging versus jumping and running. So, neither really moved as quickly as they could have. Instead, Ladybug took the opportunity to enjoy the freedom of the night. She could forget all of her responsibilities which had been weighing her down a lot lately, and with Chat beside her, she could, for the moment, ignore just how lonely she'd been feeling.

Chat Noir also seemed to be enjoying the night out. Yes, they were doing their job, but Ladybug was happy to see him looking up at the sky or glancing around the Parisian horizon contentedly as they continued moving.

Ladybug was sure they would notice if there was trouble if they swung by it, even if they were not paying as close attention as they often did. So, she let herself relax.

However, as they continued through the streets of Paris, Ladybug eventually became aware of Chat watching her from the corner of his eye. She'd come to pull up beside him streets ago, and since then she'd mostly kept pace so they were moving roof by roof beside each other. She tried to ignore his passing glances, but every time he looked, he seemed to get tenser and tenser, until finally she thought she heard him muttering under his breath. "Boy problems?" he seemed to be questioning to himself, and Ladybug tensed in response. Was he second guessing the reasons she had given him? She hadn't been lying, but she hadn't been completely honest either.

She didn't want to have to come up with even more excuses. She didn't have the mental energy. Ladybug took a deep breath, trying to put to rest the weird feeling rising in her stomach. Her mind drifted away from what she was doing, allowing muscle memory to take over her movements, even if it slowed her down. Her mind was preoccupied on her fear, her fear that Chat might find out the truth about how weak she really was. The fear that he wouldn't and she would be stuck with this slightly lonely feeling for the rest of her life.

Ladybug finally pulled to a stop as her feet hit the top of the roof they had begun patrol at. She stopped automatically, her mind still stressing over her circular thoughts.

"Ladybug?" Chat questioned, pulling the girl out of her thoughts when he placed an unsure hand on her arm. Ladybug jumped a little before finally looking around her and then turning to meet her partner's eyes. Had he just called her Ladybug? Not a pet name?

Had he already begun to become disenchanted? Was this the beginning of him losing the love he had for her?

Ladybug's heart lurched and she reached up as though she could hold it in her chest.

"M'lady?" he questioned again. Although she knew she shouldn't be encouraging Chat's romantic tendencies in her direction, the familiar way he said the name that she knew was only for her from him calmed her. She let her hand drop and smiled at him. "Sorry, I got a little lost in my thoughts there."

She knew it wasn't quite up to her usual standard, that smile, but it wasn't totally unconvincing either. But, although Chat seemed a little soothed by her words, he was still frowning. She thought his concern for her tonight was over, but obviously she was wrong.

"Yes…." He trailed, "I can see that." He let his eyes roam over her and Ladybug huffed, crossing her arms and looking away.

"What is it now, Chat?" she asked, clearly annoyed.

"It's just … you were late tonight."

"And?"

"And … you lost our race."

Chat Noir didn't need to say anything more, but Ladybug didn't want to understand what he was hinting at. True, she had never been late to patrol, and she always beat him in their races, but she had a lot on her mind and Chat should respect that. She groaned and rolled her eyes over to meet his, trying to show her frustration.

Usually, her sassy attitude tended to turn Chat Noir on. But this time Chat didn't take the opportunity to tease her, and he didn't provide her with his famous Cheshire Cat grin. He only stared at her, squinting, before looking down to inspect his open palms.

"M'lady, I need to ask you something else."

"Chat, you know –"

"No," he said, cutting her off, and Ladybug was shocked into silence. He had never interrupted her before. She frowned. She was changing Chat, and not for the better. She needed to get her act together before it started changing her friends for the worst.

Chat took a deep breath and moved forward, taking her small hands in his own and leading her to sit back on the edge of the rooftop. She noticed how small her hands were in his. They completely engulfed them so that they were securely and comfortable hidden within his own. When had he grown like this? When had she begun to feel so comfortable with him protecting her?

"This boy you like …" Chat Noir trailed off before meeting her eyes, "he loves you, and he treats you well, right?"

Ladybug's eyes snapped up to meet his. This was not the line of questioning she'd expected. "What do you mean? Why would you ask that?"

Chat Noir's ears dropped a little as he frowned. Ladybug absentmindedly reached to pet him behind his ear, knowing that usually calmed him. However, his demeanor didn't change much. She sighed. "Kitty …"

He stood abruptly then bent at the waist so his eyes were mere centimeters from her own. "I just want to make sure M'lady is treated as she deserves. Lately, when you talk about him, you seem sad and you've been very distracted lately. I don't want to find out he has hurt you in some way or … you know."

"I know? I don't understand."

Chat groaned and ran his hand through his hair in a gesture of frustration she had never seen on him before. "I need to know that he hasn't hurt you."

"Hurt me?" Ladybug questioned. She stared at him, wide eyed, astonished. She was so entirely lost that everything that had been weighing her down lately was forgotten. She had no idea where these questions were coming from.

When Ladybug said no more, Chat began to ramble, looking up at the sky with his hand still gripping is fluffy blond locks. "Bug, you told me you were in love with another guy, and as much as it hurts me that you are, that's fine. I can deal with that. I just assumed that if you loved someone, you, Ladybug, then he would have to be at least a decent guy, hopefully worthy of your love. Thinking about you two together … it's painful, but I can handle it if you can at least tell me I was right to be assuming all this time... If you can tell me he treats you right. Because if he doesn't …"

Chat Noir turned to her, dropping his hand from his head and crouching in front of her. He gripped her shoulders and brought his face close enough to study her eyes intently.

Ladybug's eyes were still wide and uncomprehending. She didn't quite understand what was going on. Chat was not normally like this. She'd never seen such an expression on his face, and for the first time she was understanding just how deep his love for Ladybug went. Instead of making her feel loved, it suddenly shot her with a bout of loneliness. She'd never been looked at like that as Marinette, her true self. She probably wouldn't ever.

Chat was totally attentive. His eyes were trained on her, studying, trying to pick up any trace that she was hiding something. His face was soft and intent and terrified and sad all at the same time. With an expression like that, she suddenly felt a strong urge to kiss him. Maybe that would make her less lonely?

She pushed the thought down as Chat continued, still looking at her like he was soaking in even the smallest expressions in her eyes. "If he has hurt you in any way, you would tell me, right?" He gripped her tighter, trying to shake her out of her stunned silence. "Bugaboo, please tell me he isn't hurting you."

"N-no." She had never stuttered as Ladybug before.

"No, he isn't hurting you or no, you won't tell me?"

"No. No! He isn't hurting me. Chat!? Why would you think he was hurting me?"

Chat let out a breath like he'd been holding it for a lifetime. He sank down until he was sitting beside her again and he closed his eyes.

"I just – I had to be sure. M'lady, you were just acting so weird. You've not been like yourself at all –"

"What if I have finally been acting like myself?" Ladybug suddenly asked, and Chat turned to give her a confused expression.

"What?"

"Nothing…" she muttered. "Anyways, Chat, I think you have the wrong idea."

"I would hope so!" he exclaimed, turning his piercing green eyes on her.

"That's not what I mean. I must have implied something that wasn't true. I don't know when or how but – Chat, the guy I love and I … we aren't together." Chat was staring at her, his mouth slightly ajar.

"So, when you say you were having boy troubles?"

Ladybug laughed, suddenly realizing how funny this all was. "It's all on my end. He doesn't even know. I haven't even told him that I love him."

Chat jerked his head around to stare out at the horizon, eyes wide. He looked like he was trying to process everything. Ladybug was beginning to feel really guilty. At least she wasn't thinking about that other problem anymore. Boy drama was a lot easier to handle than her own thoughts lately, she thought bitterly. She sighed and turned to her partner. This time she took his hands from his lap and wrapped them in her own. It wasn't the same. Her hands could only fit around his palms, with his long fingers poking out from where her hands held his. Still, she had to admit, it felt nice.

Ladybug shook her head slightly, trying to rid herself of that thought. She was in love with Adrien. And anyways, Chat Noir was in love with Ladybug. He was in love with the perfect girl in the mask who wasn't even the real her.

"Chat," she said, squeezing his hands. He was looking down at where they rested in between them. She searched for the words that would soothe his confusion. "Chat, I am so so sorry. I didn't mean to give you the wrong idea. I didn't think … I didn't know you were imagining me with some other guy like that, and I know it must have hurt all this time, especially to find out it wasn't true. I can't say that there isn't another guy, because there is, but to him I'm nothing more than a friend, if that. I'm so sorry I didn't explain."

She paused, stopping to study him. He had his eyebrows pinched together. He must have been shifting through all these past months and how he'd thought of her in her civilian life. She realized he really must have thought she was with another man. Sure, he had kept flirting occasionally and had always made it clear he loved her, but he'd been extra respectful. More friendly and teasing than anything.

"You don't have to apologize, bugaboo," Chat finally looked up and smiled at her. All the tension that had been in his shoulders all night seemed to have dissipated. "I just jumped to assumptions, I guess." He leaned in and looked at her, but this time his intent stare was more curious and playful than worried. "I don't understand though. Why haven't you confessed to that lucky cat yet?"

Ladybug groaned and threw her hands over her face, leaning back in an exasperated manner. Chat cocked an eyebrow.

"You don't understand," she said, going into her Marinette rant mode. It felt kind of good to do so. She hadn't in a while, feeling too down to put much energy into her crush. "I'm not like this in my civilian life."

Chat scowled but his ears were perked. She knew he was probably eating up any information she was willing to give about her civilian self. "Not like what?" he asked.

"I'm not … brave." She sighed in defeat, hunching her shoulders and burying her face in her hands again.

Chat rubbed her back soothingly. It must have been that he now knew she didn't have a boyfriend that made him so willing to comfort her. Although, she had to wonder whether her relationship status would have ever really stopped him from comforting Ladybug if she needed it, gentleman or not. He waited for her to continue.

"I've tried so hard to tell him. I really have. But every time I try, I can't get my words out or I lose the note or an Akuma comes and it just doesn't happen. I stutter and trip and make a complete fool of myself. I'm sure he's only friends with me because he's too nice. And even if I did manage to confess, I know he'd reject me. He's made it clear that I'm just a friend and I know he likes someone else." Ladybug thought of Kagami bitterly. She folded her hands in her lap and looked down at her interlocking fingers. "I know he's gonna reject me. I know it. But I still have to tell him. I – I have to know if there is even the smallest chance."

Chat Noir was silent for a long time, all the time rubbing her back gently. After a little while, he took her chin gently in his fingers and guided her face back up so she was looking at him again.

"Bug, don't give up. I know you can tell him, and I know you are brave. You would have to be brave, even under the mask, to take on the job of Ladybug time after time. And to stay so loyal to this guy for so long." He smiled at her, and there was only a little bit of sadness and jealousy there. "Tell him tomorrow."

Ladybug suddenly chocked on her own spit, totally surprised. Was Chat crazy?

"I can't –"

"Yes, you can. I know you can. You are Ladybug, at least part of the time. If you have to, just channel Ladybug to confess, but you need to do it. It isn't good for you to hold off like this for so long."

Ladybug was glad it was dark enough to hide her blush of shame. Chat thought her inability to confess to Adrien was why she'd been so down lately. Maybe that was part of it, but at this point she didn't think confessing would make her feel totally better. It was everything crushing down on her at once, all of her thoughts trying to smother her. Adrien was just a small part of that.

Still, figuring out how to finally confess to him couldn't hurt. Maybe it would help relieve some of that pressure.

"What if he rejects me, Chat? I don't know if I could handle it."

"Of course you can. You're Ladybug. You can handle anything." Ladybug swallowed heavily. Maybe Ladybug could handle anything, but she didn't think Marinette could. "If he rejects you than he's an idiot. He doesn't deserve you. But anyways, any man my Ladybug could love can't be that bad. I'm sure he won't turn you down."

Ladybug seemed uncertain, but she nodded slowly.

"Let's make a deal," Chat finally said, standing up and smiling. "Tomorrow you confess to your boy. Then tomorrow night you can meet me and tell me all about it, or, if you don't want to talk about it, we can just sit together, you and I."

Chat held out his hand to her. Ladybug at first thought he was going to pull her up, so she was surprised when she placed his palm in hers and he shook it.

"It's a deal," he said, grinning.

Ladybug had to smile a little at that. "I guess it's a deal then."

...

When Marinette got home and detransformed, her smile immediately fell away as though it were a part of her suit. She turned and glanced at herself in her full-length mirror and then tried to smile again. Something didn't look quite the same about it as it used to.

Tikki swooped in front of her and nuzzled her cheek. "Do you really think you're going to finally do it Marinette?" she asked.

Marinette shrugged and then took a deep breath. "I guess I have to. I promised Chat I would, and I don't want to lie to him anymore. And anyways," Marinette looked down at her arm and ran her fingers lightly over the two long scratches there, "maybe it will do me some good to be honest about something."

Tikki dropped down to Marinette's arm to inspect the scratches as well. "You won't do this again, right?" Tikki asked, and Marinette shook her head resolutely.

"No, I won't. I don't know what came over me the other day. I guess I just got overwhelmed, and I read about it on the internet once, and it just felt right. But I don't plan to do it again. I just need to figure out how to fix this." She held her breath and nodded, but she didn't feel fully convinced she could fix it. Because what she really meant was that she needed to fix herself, which seemed like a daunting task.

Tikki was silent for a long moment. "Marinette, I've been thinking," she finally said slowly, looking up at her chosen with concerned eyes, "I think you should share your identity with Chat Noir. Especially if tomorrow doesn't go as well as you hope with Adrien."

Marinette froze in place. Did Tikki just suggest that?

"I think it might help you," Tikki admitted. "It might help you at least not do this again," she continued, running her tiny kwami fingers over the girl's little cuts. "I think one time was enough, don't you? Chat would help you if he knew."

Marinette looked down at Tikki as though she had suggested that Ladybug go out and murder a puppy tonight. The idea of telling Chat who she was, and especially of telling Chat of the ridiculous and shameful thing she'd down the other night, was entirely inconceivable. Chat could never know that. She couldn't bare to look at him if he did.

"No." Marinette shook her head. "You know it's not safe to reveal our identities to each other right now anyways. I can't tell him who I am."

Tikki sighed and shook her tiny little head. "Keeping your identity a secret isn't worth this," the little red kwami said sadly. "Plenty of Ladybugs and Chat Noirs knew of each other's identities."

Marinette just shook her head again and the kwami sighed. "Just think about it, Marinette."


	2. Chapter 2: Ladybug Troubles

**This one is mostly just Adrien's thoughts on what is going on. The next chapter will be more exciting. I promise.**

Ch. 2

Adrien collapsed onto his mattress and threw his arm over his eyes. Sucking his lip in sharply, he tried to hold back the few tears that threatened to escape.

He didn't know why he was crying exactly. There were just so many emotions running through his heart. As Chat, he'd been able to ignore them, mostly for his lady's sake, but once the mask was gone, everything hit him like an asteroid had landed on his head.

Tonight had been eventful, and he couldn't decide if it had taken a turn for the better or the worse. Ladybug wasn't actually with some other guy. But he had basically just helped her make it happen.

Tomorrow he would know. Would this guy love his bug like he should, or would he reject her like a cold-hearted wretch. And of course he had to ask… Was he selfish for hoping, just a little bit, that the guy wouldn't want her?

He couldn't imagine anyone rejecting Ladybug. Then again, before taking the Chat Noir mask and meeting Ladybug, he hadn't imagined that anyone would ever reject Adrien Agreste either. Not because Adrien felt he was just as amazing as Ladybug, but because he knew that, as a model, he was about as equally idolized.

How different must Ladybug be behind the mask for someone to turn her away? Adrien felt himself grin despite himself. Instead of making him feel unsettled, the thought that there was so much more to Ladybug made him excited. He wanted to see that part of Ladybug. He wanted to see every part of Ladybug so he could show her how he loved each and every aspect of her being, even the parts that she tried to hide behind her mask.

"What are you grinning about like that?" a voice asked directly by his ear. "It's creepy. And anyways, aren't you forgetting something? Like, MY CHEESE."

His kwami, like always, was being a little overdramatic, and Adrien rolled his eyes while they were still hidden before he lifted his arm from his face and sat up. Still seated on the bed, he dragged his backpack over, pulled the zipper open, and brought out a small container. The kwami dove for it as soon as Adrien had popped the lid.

Adrien allowed his thoughts to drift back to his Ladybug, and his eyes automatically shifted to observe the blown-up Ladybug picture he had on his wall. He'd been in love with her for so long, they'd been fighting akumas together for almost four years, but he still had so much to learn about her. In fact, he realized, before tonight he'd never seen the side of Ladybug she'd just revealed to him. She had acted almost … vulnerable. It was so unlike her. She was almost always the strong one of the two of them. At least, that's what he had always led himself to believe.

The past few months he'd been seeing a new side to the love of his life. She'd slowly been getting more and more depressed. Sluggish. Withdrawn. He'd been worrying about her for weeks, months even, and tonight had been the final straw.

When she had not shown up on time, he had been extremely worried. His mind had rushed through all the worst possible scenarios for why she wouldn't show up for patrol. With her recent attitude and the fact that she usually took her job as Ladybug much too seriously to be late, he didn't think he was overreacting.

He normally didn't like to push his lady. He thought that respecting her space was the right thing to do. But those twenty minutes in which he had paced, waiting for her to show up and worried she wouldn't, they had been the final shove. He had to make sure she was alright, even if he had to push her a little.

Boy problems made sense, for the most part. He still didn't understand though. He didn't think that simple boy problems could make Ladybug act so depressed for so long. So, he had jumped to conclusions. What sort of boy problems could be so serious as to affect her so?

He didn't even want to think about the answer to that question, even now that he knew it wasn't the case. He'd thought, just for the moments where he was trying to piece the puzzle together, that maybe, just maybe, Ladybug's guy was … abusive. It had seemed to fit. Her depressed mood, her sudden inability to make it places on time, her distractedness, her anxiety… He hadn't been able to figure out anything else that could have caused her to change like that so quickly. And then when she said it was boy problems causing her to be down, it hadn't seemed like she was lying, but there had definitely seemed like there was more to it. He'd made the most logical jump.

But when she'd denied it, she'd seemed to be completely honest. He'd been so relieved to learn no boy was hurting her that he'd forgotten to question what else was going on.

"Do you really think that's all that's wrong?" Adrien asked out loud. He wasn't really sure if he was just talking to himself or if he wanted the advice of his kwami. Plagg could sometimes be good at advice, but only if he bothered with being interested.

"Hmmmmm," Plagg mumbled around a chunk of cheese. His cheeks were stuffed and he was obviously preoccupied. But to Adrien's surprise, Plagg swallowed what was in his mouth and then came to join him on his bed, leaving quite a bit of leftover cheese behind.

The kwami hovered at eyelevel. "No. There was definitely more to it than that. The girl was acting way too weird for it to be over a boy."

"That's what I thought," Adrien huffed. He'd been tricked, or at least distracted. Ladybug was ridiculously stubborn. It was one of the things he loved about her, but right now it was only bothering him. How could he get her to open up? He couldn't help if she wouldn't tell him what's wrong.

He understood why Ladybug wanted to keep their identities secret. She was trying to protect both of them, along with their friends and families, in case Hawkmoth ever got ahold of one of them. But, on the other hand, it had been years, and Hawkmoth had never once gotten into either of their heads. Surely it wasn't as dangerous as Ladybug seemed to think?

"Plagg, how am I supposed to get her to let me help?"

Plagg twirled lazily in the air. He obviously wasn't that concerned. "Well I'd say tonight was a good start." That was true. Even if it was more than boy problems that were giving her trouble, she'd at least been willing to sit and explain that much to him. Maybe if he just kept pushing her, kept showing her how much her pain made him hurt, she might finally be vulnerable with him. He'd always thought he was doing right by always being chipper and happy around her. Maybe he needed to show her that other side of him first, take the lead on this one.

"It would be so much easier if we knew each other's civilian selves," Adrien admitted with a groan, dropping back down to lay on his bed. Plagg hovered over him.

"I wouldn't do anything rash," Plagg advised. "True, I don't really understand why you two can't just get on with it, but if Ladybug and my sugarcube say its dangerous, I'd trust them. Tikki is almost never wrong." Plagg paused and then looked Adrien in the eye. "Don't tell her I said that."

Adrien chuckled. "I won't." Really, he was thinking that if he only ever saw Ladybug in the costume, when would he meet Tikki anyway.

"I guess I should go to sleep now," Adrien admitted, looking down at his phone to see the time. He paused and stared at it a second, surprised to see a missed message. It had been sent only a few minutes ago, which was an even bigger surprise.

_Why is Marinette up at_, he checked the clock, _3:30 in the morning?_

He sat back up and hunched over the phone, clicking on the little text message icon. If Marinette was texting him this late, it must have been important. For a moment he let his problems with Ladybug float away.

"Marinette says she wants to meet with me tomorrow," Adrien told the kwami after taking a silent moment to read it. "She wants to meet alone. What do you think she wants to tell me?"

The kwami was silent, only shrugging, and Adrien couldn't tell if he simply wasn't interested or if there was something he knew and was hiding. Either way, he knew he probably wouldn't get much else out of the tiny cat if Plagg didn't want to share.

As he typed out a reply telling the girl he could meet her for lunch, Adrien let his mind run through all the things she might be wanting to meet with him about. There wasn't much. He considered that maybe she wanted to connect with his dad through him. She was interested in fashion. He shook his head. Why would she text him about that at 3:30 in the morning? Was she maybe mad at him?

"Are we going to bed yet?" The cat kwami complained. "I need my beauty sleep."

"Fine, fine. Go turn out the lights, would you?"

Adrien plugged his phone in next to him, making sure the alarm was set for school tomorrow, and then threw himself under the blankets. As soon as he was settled, Plagg switched the lights and zipped to his side, settling in beside him.

Plagg was asleep in seconds, but Adrien stayed awake, staring up at his ceiling. His thoughts were bouncing between Ladybug and Marinette. He felt lost. All he wanted to do was come up with a solid plan.

By the time his alarm went off in the morning, he was no closer to a plan, and he'd gotten next to no sleep.


	3. Chapter 3: The Price of Secrets, part 1

**So this chapter is super short, but I decided to go ahead and post it cause it felt right to end it where I did. It is technically part one of a larger chapter though. The second part will be posted pretty quickly because I already am working on pumping it out.**

**Please, let me know what you think. I know these characters are a little ooc, but I think that is necessary. Anyways, this story is meant to take place almost two years after the show (currently season 3), so a lot has happened. I am trying to reflect how the prolonged secret-keeping would actually affect them emotionally. I mean, you think about how hard it is to be a teenager in general, with trying to fit in and everything, then you add the stress of protecting the city basically single-handedly, then you add the fact that they have to keep it secret from everyone and lie to their friends and family. I would say there would be an emotional toll, especially for someone like Marinette, and even for Adrien, although I've always got the impression he would handle it better because he is used to "wearing a mask" and everything. **

**Anyways ... please leave a comment. Comments definitely encourage me to update. The comment doesn't even technically need to be a good one (although I like good ones). If you have something you think I messed up or need to change, please tell me. I'm all for improving my writing. Although this particular piece is more for fun than anything.**

**Thanks loads 3**

**P.S. Does anyone know why the actual heck every time I post a chapter it ends up looking all coded? It's really annoying that I have to keep going back and redoing all of it. Is there a way to make it stop doing that that I don't know?**

...

Ch. 3

"Are you ready for today, Marinette?" Tikki asked excitedly. She was peeking out of Marinette's purse as the girl began her short trek to school.

Marinette groaned, pressing her palms against her flaming cheeks. "I don't know if I can do this, Tikki!" she whisper-yelled, "But I don't think I can get out of it now."

"After all, you did promise Chat," Tikki pointed out. "And you already texted Adrien and arranged to meet him." When Tikki saw that her chosen was still nonverbally stressing, she decided to encourage her. "Don't worry Marinette. You can do this!"

Marinette threw her arms out and did a dramatic and determined fist pump. "You're right!" she exclaimed. "I can totally do this."

Tikki smiled, looking up at the young Ladybug. Although Marinette may not have been smiling exactly, Tikki was glad to be seeing such drive in her chosen. She knew Marinette's emotional journey was far from over, a simple confession to a boy wasn't going to solve such turmoil on its own, but she was happy to see her moving in a positive direction.

Now they would just have to wait to see what Adrien said.

….

Marinette sat down next to Alya with a loud sigh. Her friend looked over at her, eyebrow quirked up, but she didn't ask Marinette what was going on with her like she once would have. Instead, Alya was busy chatting with Nino, her boyfriend. Marinette was a little sad that Alya didn't ask, but mostly she was relieved that Alya didn't seem to have the time to notice how distressed her friend was, that way Alya wouldn't ask about things Marinette didn't want to have to lie about.

The two had grown distant in the last few months. They were still friends. If Marinette was going to go to anyone about anything, it would probably be Alya, but mostly Marinette had decided it was easier to keep things to herself. Having to lie to the Ladyblogger, and her best friend, so often about her own identity had begun to take an emotional toll on the girl. At least if she kept her distance she didn't have to go through the pain of lying.

And anyways, with Lila's continual gossip going around about Marinette, her friends had become wary of her. True, most of the time Lila's lies were worked out and Marinette's name was cleared, but with every piece of gossip it seemed as though bouncing back was harder and harder.

The only one who hadn't begun to distance himself as a result was Adrien, who seemed to know that Lila liked to lie, and Chloe, ironically, who didn't like Lila now that the girl had set her sights on her "Adrikins."

Not that Marinette and Chloe were close, but they weren't quite enemies anymore.

Marinette sat up straighter when Adrien took his usual seat in front of her. He turned and smiled, waving just a little. "Hey Mari, are we still on for lunch?"

Marinette nodded silently. She waited for him to turn back around before she squinted down at him in confusion. Adrien didn't look quite … Adrien. His eyes were a little duller than normal, with heavy bags underneath them. And were they red-rimmed? Like he'd been crying? Marinette shook her head. Certainly her perfect Adrien hadn't been crying.

Then there was the state of his hair. Usually brushed neatly and styled, it looked more like he had rolled straight out of bed. If Adrien didn't otherwise look like he'd had a rough night, Marinette would have had to admit that his messy hair looked … kinda hot. She cocked her head a little, staring at the back of his head in interest. His hair reminded her of something.

"Oh!" She said suddenly, a little too loudly. Alya and Nino simply glanced over at her and then continued with their conversation, but Adrien turned to look at her straight on.

"Everything alright?" he asked, there was concern in his gaze, although he looked a little distracted too.

Marinette nodded, cheeks blazing. "I just realized your hair… it reminds me of – of C-Chat Noir." She raised her own hand above her head and waved it around as though to demonstrate.

Adrien froze for a split second, then a practiced and easy smile graced his lips and he leaned forward conspiratorially. "I'm secretly a fan. Thought I'd try it out and see if it worked for me. What do you think?"

Marinette's cheeks came alite again, realizing exactly what she'd been thinking of it a second ago, and realizing that if she thought Adrien's Chat-inspired hair was hot, then did she think Chat's hair was hot too?

"It, um, it looks good," Marinette said simply. She slouched further in her seat and found something on her desk to take undivided interest in.

When Marinette looked away nervously and showed no sign of looking back up, Adrien smiled warmly at her.

Adrien turned away suddenly, scowling at himself. He liked Marinette, he really did, but he needed to get her out of his head. Sure, over the last year he'd noticed he had a small crush on the girl, but he'd been very careful not to cultivate that. And anyways, although Marinette had a stubborn and brave streak, she was much too nervous around him for anything to work out between them, never mind the fact that he thought her nervous stutters were kind of cute…

Adrien shook his head harshly. This was not the time to suddenly develop interests in his friend. He had Ladybug to worry about right now. Whether or not anything was going to work out between them, he needed to keep her a priority. For the last year or so he'd thought there was no chance of working anything out between them, but now he finally had a chance. Ladybug was going to confess to her crush, and if her crush rejected her (stupidly), then he finally had his opening. He could be there for her and show her just how much he loved her.

If her crush said he liked her back and the two started dating then … he would just have to be there for his lady in other ways. Hopefully it wouldn't break his heart completely, but he certainly wouldn't be prepared to start paying any attention to any other girls. Little crushes like the one he felt for Marinette aside, he was certain that Ladybug was the only one for him. And he would have to be content with whatever he got from her.

Adrien wanted to lay his head down on his desk and groan dramatically. If he was Chat, he'd have allowed himself the drama. As Adrien though, he had a persona to keep up. Although, lately it had been harder and harder to separate the two parts of himself. He was happy he had Ladybug to confide in as much as he could. Without her, he didn't know if he could handle bouncing between his two lives.

He wished Ladybug would confide in him.

Adrien heard a snap and looked down, suddenly realizing he'd been holding his pencil in his clenched fist. He released the broken pencil and let it roll out of his palm and on to his desk, sighing loudly as he did so. His lack of sleep was making it hard for him to control himself as he normally did.

He hoped whatever Marinette had to talk about at lunch wouldn't be too serious. He wasn't sure if he trusted himself to respond responsibly.


	4. Chapter 4: The Price of Secrets, part 2

Ch. 4

The holder of the Ladybug miraculous shook in fear as she glanced around the corner. She could handle villains and fights and crazy fans, but she didn't think she could handle what was on the other side of that wall.

"Tikki, I can't do it," she finally concluded. She pressed herself against the wall to keep herself from curling up in a quivering ball.

"Marinette, calm down. It will be okay. Think of what Chat Noir said."

Marinette did just that. _You are Ladybug, at least part of the time. If you have to, just channel Ladybug to confess, but you need to do it. It isn't good for you to hold off like this for so long… You're Ladybug. You can handle anything. If he rejects you than he's an idiot. He doesn't deserve you. But anyways, any man my Ladybug could love can't be that bad. I'm sure he won't turn you down._

She didn't know if Chat's words had been encouraging or not. He'd been so focused on her identity as Ladybug. Being Ladybug wasn't making her all that confident. If anything, it was making her scared. She wished, for just a moment, that Ladybug didn't exist because, compared to the superhero, how did just plain old Marinette stand?

She couldn't voice those thoughts though. She didn't want Tikki to know how insecure Ladybug sometimes made her feel, and she didn't want to hurt the kwami by implying she wished she'd never been chosen.

Marinette sighed. Just another secret she had to keep.

"You're going to have to go that way anyways," Tikki observed. And, of course, Tikki was right. Adrien was waiting in the hallway at her locker, which happened to be directly in the path of her escape. She'd have to talk to him this time. There was really no excuse not to.

Marinette pushed herself from the wall with enough momentum to fling herself around the corner. There, she thought, no going back now. Indeed there wasn't because Adrien immediately met her eyes with his own.

Weirdly enough, she thought she saw at least some of her own exhaustion and wariness mirrored back at her. She considered that for a moment, deciding that maybe Adrien was simply tired from his work with his father and school. Surely that would be stressful.

Marinette wished she could talk to Tikki again without Adrien's notice. She wanted to question the kwami about whether or not this moment really was the best time to confess, specifically because of Adrien's tired gaze.

Instead, she took one step in front of the other until she was standing directly next to her crush. She knew she had no more room for excuses.

"Do you want to go get lunch at yours or eat here or what?" Adrien asked, seemingly completely unaware of Marinette's stuttering heart.

No more excuses, Marinette told herself, and she opened her mouth.

"I'm in love with you," she said. Then she cringed immediately. She had planned to lead up to her confession, make it a little easier to swallow. But maybe blunt was the only way she could get it out of her mouth.

She'd said her confession as though she were commenting on the weather or slightly frustrating math problem, so Adrien had to blink at her a few times before his expression turned to one of surprise. This time, he was the one who stuttered. "W-what?"

Marinette looked down at her hands, finally feeling the butterflies erupt in her stomach. She didn't think she could meet his eyes anymore, which didn't show happiness but instead revealed confusion and a little fear.

_He doesn't like me back, _Marinette thought, _he's obviously upset by what I've said. What do I do now?_

Luckily, she didn't have to do or say anything. Adrien caught on after only another second's pause. "Did you say that you … that you're …" He kept trailing off, unable to say it outright.

Marinette nodded solemnly. He didn't have to say it. She knew he understood from his tone, which sounded downright terrified now.

Adrien was silent for a really long moment. He was trying to sort out his thoughts. Wasn't it just earlier that he was thinking of having a crush on Marinette? Although, it was also just a little while ago that he'd decided to focus entirely on his Ladybug. The fact that Marinette had chosen this time of all times to confess, the fact that he had thought she disliked him and now she said she loved him, the fact that a part of him wanted to lift her chin and comfort her, it all terrified him. His devotion to Ladybug had been safe when he'd thought Marinette didn't like him. Now… no.

"I'm in love with Ladybug," he said resolutely. He wasn't sure to whose benefit he was saying it, but Marinette's eyes snapped up, wide as dinner plates.

"With Ladybug?" she said quietly. Adrien nodded. There were so many emotions dancing in the girl's eyes, but Adrien was too preoccupied with his own emotions to notice.

"I – I see," she said quietly, looking back down for a second. "And compared to her, I'm … I'm…"

"I'm sorry," he said when she finally looked back up at him. She wasn't crying. She wasn't even holding back tears. She just looked at him, completely empty, like a doll. She nodded and began to turn away.

She stopped. She was no longer stuttering when she spoke to him, and Adrien was mildly surprised, so surprised that he didn't pay any attention to the emptiness in her voice. "You don't mind if I cancel our lunch plans, do you? I think I need to go home."

Adrien was not unkind, it was one of the reasons why Marinette had fallen in love with him to begin with, and even looking as tired as he did, he spoke to her softly. "Of course, I understand," he told her. "Will you be coming back after lunch, or should I tell everyone you went home sick?"

"It doesn't matter," she said before walking silently away.

Adrien stared after her for a few minutes. He didn't know what he was supposed to do now. He hadn't said anything bad, but he felt like he hadn't done the right thing either. Something was nagging him and squeezing his heart in his chest.

"Well that went well," Plagg observed sarcastically, peeking out from under Adrien's unbuttoned overshirt.

Adrien sighed, "What else was I supposed to do? I have more important things to worry about." _Like Ladybug, _he thought, almost like he was reminding himself.

"You don't mean that," Plagg said, scowling at his chosen. Adrien knew he was right. "And anyways, you didn't have to be so blunt with her. And telling her she didn't even compare to Ladybug. That was harsh."

"I didn't say that."

"Technically, you implied it. Big difference." The kwami rolled his eyes sarcastically.

Adrien didn't say anything more, but his cheeks burned with shame. He should have thought his words through better. He knew having a serious conversation in his state, half asleep and ridiculously worried about Ladybug, was a bad idea. He should have asked Marinette if they could meet another time, or something safer like that.

He wanted to help clean up his own mess, but he knew Marinette probably wouldn't want to talk to him. So, Adrien pulled out his phone and sent a quick text to Alya, not explaining what had happened, but telling her that her best friend had gone home upset and might need someone to talk to.

Alya was Marinette's best friend. He'd trust her to help the girl get through his pitiless rejection.

….

Marinette was like a zombie when she walked through the bakery doors. Her parents shared a worried look between them before Sabine stepped forward warily. "Are you alright dear?"

Marinette didn't look at them. She put her hand to her forehead, obviously dazed. "I – I feel kind of funny," she admitted quietly, staring forward like she was talking to the wall. She continued her slow trek behind the counter and towards the door that would lead up to her family's home. "I think I need to lie down for a while."

"Do you think you're sick, darling?" asked her mom, following slowly behind her.

"Sick? Um, I don't know. Maybe that's it," Marinette muttered quietly. Sabine looked behind her to her husband for help. The big man stepped up to his wife.

"Honey, why don't you stay home this afternoon? Your mother and I have a delivery to make across the city, so we will be gone for a few hours. You can take that time to rest."

Marinette nodded as she began walking up the stairs, the door closing heavily behind her.

When Marinette made it to her room she did not drop dramatically on her bed as one might expect. She did not begin crying. She did not rant, or tear the Adrien posters from her walls, or try to contact Alya. She just stared forward, looking absently at one of the many pictures of Adrien she had on her wall. He was staring straight at the camera, giving the affect that he was looking right at her, and for once his gaze did not feel comforting or loving. It felt mocking. She turned her eyes away.

Tikki quietly fluttered around her, obviously worried. She'd never seen Marinette so devoid of emotion. If she were crying or upset or angry, she'd worry that Hawkmoth might find her vulnerable. But right now, perhaps the lack of emotion was more worrisome.

"Marinette?" The little kwami finally questioned softly. She flew up to gently law a small red hand on her pale cheeks.

"He's in love with Ladybug," Marinette said slowly.

"He's in love with you, Marinette. He just doesn't know it."

"He's in love with Ladybug," Marinette just repeated and Tikki wasn't sure if it was meant to be in agreement or argument. "Everyone loves Ladybug."

"Everyone loves _you_." Tikki tried to correct.

Marinette turned and looked at the kwami, smiling gently. She held her hands out so Tikki could settle in her palms, and the Marinette pulled her to her face in the imitation of a hug. "I feel so funny, Tikki," she whispered.

Tikki nuzzled her cheek gently. "Maybe you should go to sleep, like your parents said. Rest might make you feel better," she advised, looking up at her chosen worriedly. She sighed in relief when the girl nodded. "We can talk about what to do later. Maybe we can make a plan."

"Sure," Marinette said, smiling a little. "A plan would be good." Marinette settled down into her comforter and turned her face away. Tikki hover over her for a moment before finally deciding it would be safe for her to also go rest. When the kwami had finally settled herself comfortably and closed her little eyes, Marinette opened her own. She stared at the poster of Adrien, meeting his mocking eyes.

….

Two hours passed. Tikki was sound asleep, but Marinette still laid awake in her bed, staring at nothing really in particular. She hated this feeling, or lack of feeling, really. Everything seemed numb inside her. She was empty of tears, empty of anger, empty of any feeling except something deep and guttural and hollow that she had no name for.

She'd felt this before, in small waves. Sometimes when everything was too much, when her dual identity overcame her, or when she felt lonely, it was like her whole body shut down for a minute, making it impossible to feel anything. Maybe her body was trying to defend her from her negative emotions. But, this was something far worse.

She stared forward, eyes tired but not ready to close them and allow herself to be consumed by the nothingness. She wanted nothing more than to cry, or to scream. She just couldn't.

But she couldn't take this any longer.

Finally, Marinette stood up slowly from her bed, trying not to wake the kwami. It had been several hours, she realized, looking out at the dusk sky. Her parents were still gone on their delivery, and she would need to meet Chat pretty soon.

She realized school would have been over quite some time ago. _Maybe someone has texted me, wondering where I've been, _Marinette thought, pulling out her phone. There were two unread texts.

From: Alya

Sent: 2:30 pm

Hey girl! Heard you weren't feeling well and went home early. I'll try to stop by after school to see what's what.

Marinette smiled just a little. Maybe Alya would come by soon, distract her from this lack of feeling, or at least keep her company long enough to get over it. At least she had one friend who had thought about her first.

Then she opened the second text.

From: Alya

Sent: 3:05 pm

Hey again girl! I'm gonna have to scratch that. You don't mind, do you? Lila invited us all out (too bad you're not feeling too good cause Adrien is coming!). Anyways, she says she has some news on Ladybug! How exciting is that! Thanks for being so chill, girl. Knew you'd understand how important this Ladybug stuff is to me. I'll see you tomorrow and we can definitely talk about whatever is bothering you!

Marinette was holding her breath as she stared down at her phone. "Ladybug is more important," she whispered. "Ladybug is better. Everyone loves Ladybug."

Marinette set her phone down slowly. She was thinking of all her friends, who were off with Lila finding out some juicy gossip about the superhero, more concerned about lies about Ladybug than the health of Marinette herself. She thought about Chat Noir, and his undying love for Ladybug, her own partner and best friend obsessed with the perfect superhero identity who wasn't even the real her. She thought about Adrien, who she had loved for so long, and how he'd confirmed her worse fears: no one could love Marinette like they loved Ladybug. She'd always be a shadow to her superhero half.

She just felt so tired and so empty.

Marinette looked over at Tikki, making sure the kwami was still asleep. Quietly, she crept to her bathroom door. Once she'd successfully closed the door softly behind her, she turned to look at herself in the mirror. Her mind was running in so many directions at once.

Finally, she took a deep breath and made a decision.

She needed to feel something, no matter what it took.

**A/N Don't be mad at me! I know, I'm horrible for doing this to our precious babies. But... I just imagine how stressful their lives would be after years of keeping up what their doing, and I just feel like this would be realistic if they really did feel alone. Adrien can't be perfect all the time, and Marinette we already know has felt insecure. If she never resolved those issues, you would think they would eventually fester. **

**Anyways ... please let me know what you think. Comments/reviews are always encouraging. **


	5. Chapter 5: Marinette Breaks the Chat

**A/N So, I wasn't going to post the next chapter until at least tomorrow, but I got some comments that really encouraged me to do so.**

**To the Guest who left the longest review I have ever received in my life with all the fantastic questions: As you will see, many of your questions will be answered in this story, and even in this chapter. I super appreciate you reviewing and leaving all those questions though. It was definitely encouraging to see that someone was paying enough attention to bring up so many thoughts. Also, your comments helped me see exactly what I need to be careful to explain later. I totally agree, Marinette is not seeing the situation clearly. She is pretty much wrong on everything, which is sort of going to be the point. Marinette has allowed her own insecurities to fester and isolate her to this point. She isn't seeing the truth, and she's gonna have to realize that Ladybug isn't some unattainable perfect figure that Chat and everyone else is worshipping. Ladybug is a part of her, and people love Ladybug (especially Chat) because they love her and they are one in the same. Right now, Marinette is allowing her isolation and depression taint everything around her.**

**Also, I hope this chapter clears a few things up for you. I wanted to go ahead and post it because I thought it might answer some of those questions. The parts that are from Marinette's side of things are a little skewed, and this chapter will show how it all went down from a little more objective perspective. **

**To everyone: I just want to say that I am not sure I really like this chapter. I had a lot of trouble writing it. It was meant to be the most emotional of all, but it feels a little detached to me. Please, let me know what you think and if there is anything I should do or add to improve it.**

**Thanks everyone 3**

...

Ch. 5

Chat Noir was conflicted in his emotions as he sat on the rooftop. He was waiting for Ladybug, but his mind was divided between his lady and his princess.

He felt really guilty.

He knew he shouldn't have responded the way he had when Marinette had confessed to him earlier that day. He'd just been so completely shocked, on top of his already high-strung emotions and general exhaustion. The words had just sort of … popped out.

He'd been trying to remind himself of his love for Ladybug more than anything. It had just been unfortunate that he'd confessed his feelings for his superhero partner out loud. Then, when he'd realized what he'd said, he had sort of froze. There were so many things he knew he should have said to Marinette, but he had lost all ability to think, let alone speak.

All he'd been able to tell her was a stupid "I'm sorry," which he realized now, after Plagg's disapproving lecture, really hadn't been the right thing to say, especially when he had said it.

At first, he'd just assumed Marinette would bounce back. He'd texted Alya to let her know Marinette had gone home upset, but he hadn't wanted to divulge much information, not sure how much Marinette would want to confide in her friend. He'd noticed the two drifting apart a bit. Well, more than anything he had noticed Marinette had become quieter and more withdrawn from her friends lately. There had been tension between the four of them, Nino, Alya, Marinette, and Adrien, primarily because Marinette and Alya had obviously had some sort of falling out.

Although Alya had always been pushy, it was obvious she thought she should give Marinette some space. Adrien didn't blame her. Marinette seemed to want to be left alone.

When Alya had texted back, she had asked a few questions. What had made Marinette upset? Had she said she wasn't feeling well? Would she be coming back to class?

Adrien hadn't known how to answer. He wasn't exactly sure why Marinette had been so upset, or if she even was. He told Alya that they had been talking and that she had gotten sort of a blank look on her face, then dazedly said she was going home.

Then the teacher had told the class that Marinette's parents had called to say she wouldn't be back at school after lunch. At Alya's question, it was disclosed that Marinette had gotten sick suddenly and would be resting for the rest of the day, and that her parents had requested that everyone allow Marinette the evening to rest.

He'd seen Alya discreetly pulling out her phone at that point, and he had hoped she was still trying to make plans to see the girl, not cancelling any plans she might have already made, because he still wasn't convinced that Marinette was simply ill. It definitely had something to do with her confession, and his awful reaction. However, he had been sad to realize Alya had indeed taken the teachers advice when she showed up for Lila's get-together instead of visiting Marinette. It was clear Alya was still worried about her friend though because she kept glancing down at her phone and the Ladyblogger had only half paid attention to the Ladybug centered gossip. Alya didn't seem entirely convinced Marinette was just suddenly sick either.

But Marinette's sudden confession still didn't make sense to him. When had Marinette begun to like him? It had been obvious for quite some time, since the bubblegum incident specifically, that Marinette was wary of him. That certainly didn't breed romance.

It must have been a recent crush, Adrien had decided earlier in the day. Which meant she surely couldn't have really loved him. Just a crush.

Although that was what he kept trying to tell himself, it didn't quite sit right in his stomach. He still couldn't get his concern for her out of his mind as he sat on the rooftops of Paris, waiting for his love.

He was tempted to go check on Marinette as Chat. The two of them were sorta friends, so it wouldn't be that weird, right?

But he had to wait for his lady. He'd promised to meet her here, and he didn't want to be a liar. With Ladybug obviously having such a hard time, he needed to prove that he really did love her, even in her vulnerable moments. He didn't think she understood that yet, even if he'd been telling her for years.

Chat Noir was conflicted. Two of the most important girls in his life were in pain, and he didn't know how to help either of them. He stood up to pace, just as he had the night before.

Which reminded him of the time, and of the fact that Ladybug was once again very, very late.

Chat groaned and huffed and threw his hand to his forehead. What was he to do? Where was Ladybug? How was Marinette?

He looked around him for any glimpse of the red and black superhero, but there was none, just a small red glint in the distance that, after a moment of staring, he decided must have been his imagination because it was too small to be his lady and disappeared almost as soon as he'd seen it. He sighed in defeat. He couldn't help Ladybug if she wouldn't come to him, but he did know where Marinette lived, and perhaps he could at least be there for one of the two girls.

He turned to bounce off towards Marinette's home and came face-to-face with a little red creature.

He stared for a moment. "You're a kwami," he observed curiously, then his eyes widened. "You're Ladybug's kwami! Do you know where she is? Why isn't she with you? What's going on?"

Thoughts of Marinette had temporarily disappeared to be completely replaced by his concern for Ladybug.

"She needs your help," the kwami said urgently, darting around his face. Chat felt his cat ears prick up in alert. His muscles tensed instantly, ready for a fight.

"Is there an akuma? Has Ladybug been caught?"

The kwami shook her head, and the serious jerky movement gave Chat a really bad feeling. What could be worse than Ladybug being captured by an akuma.

"You just need to see," the kwami said. Then the little red thing was off, and Chat Noir had no other option than to follow.

It dawned on him, after a minute of traveling, that they were going in the direction of Marinette's home. It seemed sort of ironic to him, and he wondered briefly if he should peek in if they passed Marinette's window. He wasn't sure he would have time to do so though, so he resolved to certainly make a point of checking in directly after he fixed whatever needed fixing with Ladybug.

He shouldn't have worried about making plans though because, instead of zooming past Marinette's balcony, the red kwami darted inside.

Chat Noir paused on the balcony, looking down through Marinette's trap door and into her room. The kwami had seemingly disappeared. Had she really gone into Marinette's room, or had he seen wrong? It didn't make sense that Ladybug would be here of all places. He looked around him to make sure he hadn't missed the kwami in case she had gone passed the balcony and he'd just seen wrong.

But even with his sensitive cat eyes, he still didn't see anything.

There was a small click behind him and Chat turned to see the trap door flinging open. He opened his mouth to greet Marinette, but soon realized it had been the kwami who had opened the door for him.

"This way," she said tensely, leading him down into Marinette's room. He looked around him. It was dark and empty. It set him on edge. Where was Ladybug, and, more obviously, where was Marinette?

"Marinette?" Chat called out, "Ladybug?"

He tried calling both names but heard no answer from either girl. Out of the corner of his eye he saw the kwami slip into the bathroom, which was shut firmly but had a sliver of light coming from the crack under the door. The light was on. Was someone in there?

Chat slunk to the door, feeling nervous about what he was about to discover. He didn't know what he would find behind the door, but a part of him was scared to open it. His nose twitched, his cat senses picking up on something metallic smelling as he drew nearer.

He knocked quietly, calling out once again. "Marinette? Ladybug?"

There was no answer. He turned the knob, surprised to find it locked.

"Sorry Marinette," he whispered before calling cataclysm and disintegrating her bathroom doorknob. He'd have to remember to offer to replace it for her.

This time when he pushed on the door, it opened. There was no sound but Chat's gasp at what he saw before him.

Marinette was lying on the bathroom floor in a small pool of red. Old tears streaked her cheeks and she held something shiny in her right palm. Her eyes were closed.

"Princess?" he asked, voice cracking, knowing she wouldn't answer him. He came forward quickly and frustratedly pushed down his sudden tears. He knelt beside her, hands fretting over her quiet body. What was he supposed to do? His mind was totally blank, his heart in his stomach. This was the worst thing he could have ever witnessed in his life. He had so many questions, but the most important of all hit him hard.

_Please be still alive, _he thought, placing his ear very gently against her chest. He was relieved to find she was breathing without strain.

"I tried to wrap her wrist as best as I could, but I couldn't get it tight enough," the kwami said suddenly. She was sitting next to Marinette's head, stroking the girl's cheeks. Chat was startled. He'd almost forgotten why he was there. The kwami had said that Ladybug was in trouble.

Now the kwami was beside Marinette, obviously expressing concern and affection for the teenager.

"What-"

"We can talk later," the kwami said, cutting him off. "Right now you need to wrap those for her, and make sure she is okay. You only have a few more minutes until your transformation gives out and you need to leave."

Chat nodded, clenching his jaw to stop his own tears. He reminded himself that now was not the time to get emotional. His training as a model was finally really coming in handy because he was able to force down every thought and emotion other than his one goal: make sure Marinette was okay. He leaned forward to redo the bandaging the little kwami had tried to do herself. All the while he was thinking the kwami was crazy for thinking he would leave her like this after he was done.

He was relieved to find that the bleeding had slowed to just a trickle. She probably would have been fine with or without the bandaging. She hadn't been cut too deeply.

_Been cut? _Chat questioned himself inwardly, _Obviously, she cut herself. This is all my fault. I should have known something was wrong. I was too concerned about Ladybug to bother with Marinette and now look what's happened. I've hurt them both all in one fell swoop. Because Marinette is Ladybug._

The realization hit him like a bowling ball, but he pushed it away, knowing he had no time to dwell on it. It didn't matter anyways, not now that he'd already hurt her with his obliviousness.

"I'm so sorry, princess," Chat voiced out loud, slowly removing the razor from the girls open palm. He'd fixed her bandages and was content to see she would be okay. At least physically, that is.

"It's not your fault, Chat." The kwami said, still staying close to her chosen's side. "The Ladybugs always struggle. It's in their nature. They are chosen for their empathy and kindness. But the kindest people always feel the most. I knew she was struggling. I just didn't expect this." The kwami looked down at Marinette's bandaged wrists.

Chat Noir wanted to ask the kwami to explain herself further, but in that moment his ring beeped, warning him he only had a minute or two before he would transform back into Adrien.

"You should go back," the kwami advised but Chat only scowled.

"How can I leave her now, like this?"

"She's had too much of a shock today. Now isn't the time for a reveal, especially since Adrien just rejected her. You should reveal yourself soon, but not tonight. She should be alright for now, especially if you call Alya or Luka or someone over to be with her."

Chat didn't like the sound of that. He wanted to be the one to be with her. But he also saw the logic of what the kwami was saying. What would Marinette do if she woke up to find Adrien in her room, the one who'd just apparently broken her heart? Or if she found out that her partner was the one who had rejected her and made her feel this desperate?

"I'll put her in her bed at least," Chat said, "and maybe clean up this mess." When he lifted her up in his arms, he was surprised to hear her groan. Luckily, she stayed sound asleep. He laid her in her bed and wrapped the blankets around her.

"It doesn't seem like it was the blood loss that made her pass out," Chat observed to the kwami as he began quickly wiping up the blood in the bathroom. He only had a moment left, but he didn't want Marinette to have to deal with this mess when she woke. There was only a small puddle, a lot less shocking now that Marinette wasn't lying in the middle of it.

"She's not been sleeping," the kwami reported, "so she probably cried herself to sleep after… what she did." Chat had a feeling the kwami had schooled her words more for his sake than for her own. "She can be a pretty heavy sleeper once she finally conks out."

Chat smiled just a little at that.

"Well, I'm all done," he said with hands on his hips just as his ring let out a loud warning. "I'll get Alya to come over," he told the kwami. "Please let me know if anything else happens."

The kwami nodded to him and Chat hurried out the window.

It wasn't until he landed in an alley around the corner and detransformed that he collapsed into heart-wrenching sobs.


	6. Chapter 6: What Are Friends For

**A/N Thank you everyone who left comments! I'm glad to know some of you think that I am doing well at capturing the emotion here.**

**I have to admit, without going too much into details, that there is a reason why I can get in the head of someone struggling with something like this. I'll just say I have some personal experience, so the topic is pretty personal. This is the first time I've really tried writing a fic about the topic of self harm and such from a healthier perspective (I used to write about it, but my writing was not the same at the time because I wasn't in a good place at the time). I think this is a good experience for me, but bare with me. Not everything is gonna be perfect. I am just writing this for personal reasons, and for fun.**

**Anyways... totally off topic, but I figure out of everyone in the world I should rant about this to ... it would be my fellow Ladybug fans. I really really really want a Lukanette fanfiction, but one that isn't just a one shot or doesn't happen like ten years in the future or doesn't just explain away Adrien like he died or something. I want one with a fantastic reveal scene, preferably dramatic, in which Marinette has to transform in front of Luka in order to save him or something. And Luka is like super surprised to find out his sweet Marinette is actually Paris' superhero, or maybe where Luka isn't really all that surprised because he knows Marinette's heart and it just makes sense to him. I want a slow burn Marinette falling for Luka happily ever after warm butterfly drama. Except, I've discovered that this fanfiction does not exist. So I guess I'll have to get over my lazy self and write it if I want it.**

**Also, don't get me wrong. I am 100% for Adrien and Marinette. Chat Noir deserves to get his Ladybug in the end, even if he's a total oblivious dork in his civilian life. But... I think I might actually have fallen for Luka and I have to admit that Marinette is like perfect for him. **

**Okay, okay. I'll stop talking.**

**Here is the chapter, ya'll.**

**Enjoy!**

Ch. 6

Marinette noticed two things when she awoke. One, she had a pounding headache, probably from all the crying. Two, she was in her bed, which was not where she remembered crying herself to sleep.

She sat up, eyes as round as the macaroons she's always baking. Someone must have put her to bed, which meant someone had seen her like … _that_. Her gaze scanned her room, finally resting on a pair of hazel eyes that stared right back at her.

"Marinette!" Alya said, quickly standing up and leaning over her. Her friend was obviously worried, and Marinette felt something warm her from the inside. Just a little.

"Alya?" She questioned, looking around her again, "What happened?"

"Well…" The auburn-haired girl looked a little nervous, "Well, you see, Chat Noir came and got me and told me to come over here. He said you needed a friend. I'm supposed to stay with you until he comes back."

Marinette blinked slowly. Chat Noir had asked Alya to come? Why?

"Girl," Alya continued, "Why didn't you tell me you were having a hard time? You know I would have been here in half a heartbeat. I thought you were sick! And your parents said to let you rest, so I made myself go to Lila's thing, but now I really wish I hadn't. Obviously, you needed some girl talk."

Marinette frowned. She was so confused. This was like some sort of emotional whiplash. Hadn't Alya decided Ladybug was more important? That's what she had thought, but now it seemed she had been wrong.

Marinette's wrist itched, but she merely buried her arm further in her blankets. She didn't want to think about what she had done earlier, and she wasn't ready for Alya to find that out.

"I thought you'd rather hear about Ladybug than be with me," Marinette finally admitted. She looked down at her lap as she said it, afraid Alya would see the tears beginning to sting in her eyes if she looked up.

Suddenly, Marinette was enveloped in a pair of warm arms, her best friend's arms. "You're absolutely crazy, girl." Alya said into her messy pigtails. Alya pulled away and looked at her. "I'm sorry. I have been trying to give you space 'cause I thought that was what you wanted. But you're still my best friend. You come before the Ladyblog any day."

"Oh," was all Marinette had to say. Guilt was once again laying over her head. She'd been the one to push Alya away, it seemed. The distance between them was all her fault.

Alya suddenly clapped her hands, pulling Marinette out of her reverie. "So, tell me what happened."

"Um, well," Marinette bit her lip, "It's complicated."

"Uh uh," Alya shook her finger at Marinette slowly. "You aren't getting away with it this time. I've seen what happens if I leave you alone. You need to vent, and I'm gonna be here and listen."

"Alya…" And then Marinette couldn't stop it. She was crying. She bent down to lay her head in her lap and cover her face. After only a moment, she felt soothing fingers stroking her back.

Alya and Marinette had been best friends for years now, but there had been few times in which one of them were this emotional. Usually they dealt with drama together, hung out, gossiped. This moment marked a new step in their relationship. Marinette was showing a new side of herself, a very broken side, and Alya was accepting it like it was nothing new. When she felt Alya's hands rubbing her back so calmly, Marinette suddenly felt a security wash over her that she'd never known. She wasn't so afraid to show Alya just how far her fears went.

"I – I"

"Shhh… take your time," Alya murmured.

Marinette took a deep breath. "I did something really bad. I don't know why I did it, but I did."

"What did you do?"

Marinette pulled her arm from beneath her blankets to expose her bandaged arm. She did not look up to see Alya's facial expression when she did so. She was too afraid, and she knew she was balancing on the edge between telling Alya everything and chickening out completely.

Marinette reminded herself that she needed to keep her head at least enough to keep one secret. She could only tell Alya so much. Anything related to her dual personality would have to be kept secret.

Alya was quiet for a really long moment, and Marinette froze in fear, the only movement her hiccupping chest. Had she been wrong to tell Alya this? Would Alya leave, or be angry, or maybe ashamed of her?

Suddenly, Marinette wished she could take it back. She pulled her arm back under the blankets as though maybe she could actually make Alya forget. Her chest suddenly felt frozen, empty, almost like it had before. Her tears had stopped.

"You did this to yourself?" Alya whispered, and Marinette knew the girl understood, at least in part. Alya was one of the most observant people she knew. It didn't take much for her to fit the pieces together. But still, she asked, "how?"

Marinette shook her head, "I don't want to talk about it."

Alya recognized immediately that Marinette had shut down on her. She had the same look that had been shadowing her face for months now, a cold and tired one. Alya swallowed. She'd known something was going on with her friend, but she'd never guessed it would have been something like this. She knew something serious was happening, but for the first time really in her life, Alya did not feel confident on delving deeper into the problem herself.

She leaned back, but kept a mostly steady hand on Marinette's back.

"Adrien was worried about you," Alya said, trying to change the subject. Marinette's breath hitched. "Did something happen?" Alya asked, "Come on girl, you can tell me."

Marinette sighed and then looked up. She was obviously still upset, but the topic of Adrien was a typical topic, so it was a bit of a relief in comparison to the other thing. Marinette groaned and threw her hand over her forehead and Alya was happy to see a bit of her friend's usual spunk and melodrama come back to her.

"I confessed to him," Marinette said, then she pressed her hands to her burning cheeks.

"What?!" Alya stood abruptly.

Marinette giggled at her friend, which seemed entirely misplaced but still somehow felt right. She was relieved to be having this conversation, she found. And, even if she had lost Adrien, at least it had helped her reestablish her friendship with Alya. She was especially happy to find that Alya was still the same Alya even after Marinette had told her something so serious only minutes before. It was soothing her. Although, she still wasn't sure if she'd talk to Alya about the wounds on her arm again. She felt too mortified to talk to anyone about that.

She forced her thoughts away from that and focused on the conversation she was currently in, thinking about the familiar drama and sadness of boys and unrequited love.

"Yeah. I just blurted it out," Marinette said with a groan. "I didn't even lead up to it or anything."

"Well, what did he say?"

At Marinette's frown, Alya sat back down. "Uh oh. Girl, don't tell me I need to go teach that idiot a lesson."

"Well, he said he's in love with Ladybug."

"Ladybug?" Alya deadpanned.

"Yeah."

"Does he even know Ladybug?"

"I don't think so. Not really."

Marinette was getting more and more uncomfortable. The conversation was getting awfully close to becoming a problem. It was her insecurities with her alter ego that had been the last straw earlier that day. And anyways, she couldn't admit to Alya that she was technically jealous of the better version of herself.

But Alya was laughing. Marinette stared at her. "That boy really is weird, when you get to know him," Alya murmured. She looked at Marinette. "I wouldn't worry about it, Marinette. Obviously, he has a bit of a celebrity crush. I think the only one who knows Ladybug well enough to _love _her is Chat Noir. Adrien probably has a hard crush on her and blurted it out 'cause he was surprised."

"Maybe," Marinette admitted, but Adrien having a crush on Ladybug didn't really comfort her.

"Okay," Alya said after a moment with a sigh, "Something else is bothering you. What is it?"

Marinette looked down at her twiddling fingers. "It's just – I don't know. Even if Adrien just has a crush on Ladybug, how am I, clumsy, stuttering, scaredy-cat Marinette, supposed to compete against perfect Ladybug?"

"Okay, okay. First off," Alya held up a finger, "Ladybug isn't perfect. Second –"

Alya didn't get to finish what she was saying because a loud high-pitched noise whined from outside Marinette's window. Both girls shared a wide-eyed look, then stared outside. Sure enough, it was an akuma. The city had invested in a system to warn Parisian's of akuma's last year. Little speakers had been installed and placed in various high-populated areas throughout the city. When an akuma struck, they were set off to let everyone know.

Marinette had been lucky enough to have one installed right across from her window. It was technically there so it could be near the school, but it was convenient, being that she was Ladybug. Now she'd always know when an akuma struck.

Alya stood, then turned to look at her friend still laying in bed, then sat back down. Her eyes darted between the window where the siren was coming from and Marinette.

"It's okay," Marinette finally told her, smiling a little. "You can go. Who else is going to get video of the akuma fight?"

"Are you sure?" Alya asked. Marinette could tell her friend was just itching to get out there with her camera phone, but she appreciated that Alya wouldn't go until Marinette gave the okay.

Although she appreciated it, Marinette needed Alya to go. She certainly couldn't transform and go fight the akuma with Alya clinging to her. Thankfully, the Ladyblogger couldn't help herself.

Alya stood again. "Okay, but I'll be back as soon as the fight is over, so don't leave this spot!"

Before Marinette could blink, Alya was out the door.

Marinette stood then, sending Alya a silent apology for going against her express instructions to stay put. She called out for Tikki, who was beside her in half a moment.

"Are you sure you should go to this one? I'm sure Chat could handle one on his own," The kwami said immediately. She was looking at her chosen with deep concern in her eyes.

"Of course I should go. I can't just abandon Chat because I had a bad day. And I'm feeling better anyways."

Tikki was silent. There were a lot of things she could say. She could argue that passing out in a pool of blood, no matter how small, was definitely more than just a bad day. She could tell her that she wouldn't be abandoning Chat if she stayed home and chat would understand anyways. She could argue that it was extremely clear that Marinette was not okay yet, even if she was feeling better.

But it was clear to Tikki that it didn't really matter what she said to her chosen. Marinette was going to go to her partner. She would always go to her partner.

"Tikki, spots on!" Marinette yelled, and before she knew it, Ladybug stood in the teen's place.

….

"What are you doing here?" Chat demanded immediately upon Ladybug's arrival. He was already observing the akuma, a boy with bright red spiky hair wearing a soccer jersey turned supervillain suit. Chat's best guess, after a little bit of observation, was that his team had recently lost a game and he was angry. His was kicking a soccer ball at pedestrians. Each person he hit was converted to his "team" and began to join in the game. If they weren't careful, pretty soon Paris would be one dominating, brainwashed soccer team.

"What do you mean?" Ladybug said, putting a hand on her hip and raising her eyebrows. After her conversation with Alya she was finding it much easier to fall back into her typical superhero persona. "There's an akuma. Where else would I be, kitty cat?"

Chat did not respond to her teasing. He just stared at her from where he was hiding behind the chimney on a rooftop. Then it hit her. She'd missed their meeting about two hours ago.

Ladybug landed softly beside him and ducked to share his hiding place. She looked at him sheepishly. "Chat, I'm so sorry. I swear I didn't mean to miss our meeting. I was …" she trailed off. She hadn't prepared a good excuse.

"You don't have to make an excuse," Chat said. He was looking at her but he seemed uncomfortable. "I'm not angry."

Ladybug stared at him, but Chat was already turned away. He was looking around the chimney to get another peek at the akuma. "Let's get this taken care of so we can get you home, M'lady." When Chat finally turned and met her eyes with a soft smile, Ladybug was able to let out a small breath of relief.

She smiled back at him a little, scratching under Chat's chin with one of her fingers. "Sounds good to me, Chaton."

Taking down the akuma was quite easy. Chat and Ladybug had been working together and fighting akumas long enough for it to be second nature. And anyways, akumatized children were often the easiest. Their anger usually burned bright, but died down pretty easily. And Hawkmoth seemed to have more trouble controlling the minds of children too.

The akuma was in his soccer cleats. Ladybug realized this quickly after calling for her lucky charm, which was weirdly enough a piece of gum. Ladybug handed it to Chat, who gave her a grin. "Why thank you, Bugaboo. Don't want to have bad breath when you kiss me later." He winked and Ladybug rolled her eyes, but did no more to dispute his flirtatious behavior. It was kind of nice, really.

"Chew fast, kitty," she advised with a wink.

Chat Noir's eyes followed her as she zipped off to direct the akuma in her preferred direction. It was easy to forget what he'd witnessed earlier when they were working together like this. It was easy to forget that this Ladybug, who was firting and joking and fighting so confidently had something so sad hidden somewhere deep. He could hardly believe it and he'd seen it with his own eyes.

Chat Noir chewed the gum quickly while thinking these thoughts. Then…

"Oof," he let out when Ladybug charged right into him. They rolled together down the street, the akuma charging right behind them. Ladybug was up before Chat could think of a flirtatious comment. Ladybug ran right at the akuma, then sidestepped, then kept running passed. Chat furrowed his brows. Where was she going.

It all became clear to him when she stopped and bent to pick up the shoe left stuck on the ground. Ladybug had knocked that gum right out of his mouth when she'd tackled him, then the shoe had stuck when the akuma had run over it.

"Chat, catch!" Chat stood. Ladybug's aim was perfect. The shoe landed directly in his hands. He yelled out, "Cataclysm!" and the shoe was destroyed.

Ladybug purified the akuma and fixed everything and, before Chat could blink, Ladybug was about to swing away.

"Wait!" Chat called out to her. Ladybug turned and Chat could see a shadow of Marinette in the way she moved. He was surprised he'd never seen it before. "Here," he said, coming forward with a small smile. He pulled out his baton and opened up a little compartment, pulling out a small boxy object. He handed it to her.

"This is … a phone?"

"That it is, M'lady," Chat confirmed. He came closer to her, wrapping his hand around hers and closing her fingers over the device. He smiled down at her bewildered face. "I know it can be hard balancing two lives, so I wanted to make it easier for you to contact me. I got myself a second phone too, and I programmed my number into it. Even when you can't transform and meet me, I want you to be able to talk to me. I want to be there for you, even when you're not Ladybug but just you, the girl under the mask. I thought this would be a good way to still be there for you, and still respect your identity."

Ladybug only stared up at him, something between confusion and hope in her eyes. Her earrings beeped, but for once, Ladybug didn't seem to notice. Chat stepped back and grinned. "I still want you to tell me your identity, M'lady, but I want it to be because you trust me. Not because your transformation runs out. You better get home."

Ladybug's eyes widened. Her hand shot up to her earrings, which beeped again. Chat Noir's ring beeped in echo.

"I'll … I'll talk to you soon, Chat Noir," Ladybug smiled then. Chat Noir smiled back, then watched her turn and swing off in the direction of Marinette's home.

When Ladybug was out of sight, Chat dropped down into an alley and let his transformation fall.

Now it was time to enact the next part of his plan. He hoped Alya would stay with Marinette a little while longer. He needed to get some advice from Master Fu.


	7. Chapter 7: A Late-Night Meeting

**A/N**

**Sorry this update took so long you guys. The holidays and all. Very busy. Very stressful. I don't think I'd have had the mental or emotional energy to update even if I did have the time.**

**Anyways, I hope everyone's holidays went well. Christmastime and everything can be quite the jumble of emotions, very happy to some, sad to others, but almost always also very stressful. Now that they are over, I hope everyone is getting back into the swing of everyday life.**

**Thank you all for reading!**

Ch. 7

It was very late at night when Chat finally dropped onto Marinette's balcony. He was afraid Marinette might be asleep, but he didn't really want to wait until tomorrow to come to her. Since his conversation with her as Adrien, where he had been careless and said things much too easy to misunderstand, he wanted to be more intentional about how his actions could be construed. He didn't want Marinette to think he found her like that on the bathroom floor then couldn't be bothered to come check on her again.

But his conversation with Master Fu had gone late. There had been much to discuss, not just about Ladybug and Marinette, but also about the future of Paris. Master Fu had brought that part up. He'd speculated that perhaps it would be best if Marinette were relieved of her miraculous, at least temporarily. It wasn't an entirely uncaring thought, and there was logic to it, but Adrien had immediately argued against the idea. Sure, maybe taking away the stress of saving Paris might help her some, but no one could de-evilize the akumas like Ladybug, and no one could be Ladybug like Marinette could. And anyways, Adrien highly doubted that taking her miraculous away would make Marinette feel _good _about herself.

After a lot of discussion, Master Fu had agreed, and the two had decided it was time to begin the process of revealing identities.

"Tikki is right," Master Fu had said, "You need to reveal identities, but we shouldn't shock her either. It needs to be on her terms."

It had been exactly what Adrien had been thinking, and it had been good to have it confirmed by Master Fu.

"I can't believe Ladybug was hiding something like that." Adrien had admitted.

Master Fu had been silent for a very long moment. "I should have known," he had finally confessed, and Adrien had been confused at this. "You said Tikki told you that the Ladybug usually struggles in some way. This is true. While each Ladybug and Chat Noir are different, there are certain character traits common with every generation. The Ladybug takes her responsibility very seriously. She is balanced by the Chat, who has problems of his own, but the Chat tends to find freedom where the Ladybug finds only a deep sense of responsibility. Pair this with her overwhelming need to care for others, and any sense of failure tends to become crippling.

"The holder of the Ladybug miraculous always seems to have times where she struggles, times where she cannot meet the expectation of perfection she has put upon herself. I should have known sooner to check on her because of this. Especially since you two still have not revealed your identities. The Chat and the Ladybug are needed to balance each other, in and out of the suits."

All of this had made at least a little sense to Adrien. Neither one of them were perfect as either superhero or citizen, but he knew he felt much more like himself as Chat. He could let loose when he had the mask on, and he didn't feel the need to be perfect. Having Ladybug there to support him and care for him (although she did not love him as any more than a friend) while he was able to truly be himself had helped him stay out of loneliness time and time again. But if Ladybug felt the pressure while she was in the mask, and her time to really be herself was as Marinette, maybe the fact that Chat, her other half, wasn't there to balance her was taking a toll on her?

Chat knew that their lack of revealing identities certainly wasn't the only thing wrong, but he also knew how important having a friend who really understood could be.

But a part of him wondered if maybe Marinette would be better off without the miraculous now. Really, wouldn't she do best if she got some sort of professional help? Therapy at the very least? The problem was, and Master Fu had even mentioned this, Marinette would always have the secret of being Ladybug on her shoulders, whether she gave up the miraculous or not. And as long as she had that secret, Master Fu couldn't advise her to go to someone like that, for fear that she would reveal something to do with the miraculous.

And anyways, Chat really doubted that therapy could help if she had to hide half her life from the one trying to help her. No, the best he could do in this awful situation was try to be there for his lady, try to make sure she knew she wasn't alone. But if things progressed in the wrong direction, then he knew he and Master Fu would have to re-evaluate. As much as he'd hate to lose his partner in battle, he'd much rather Ladybug give up her miraculous and get the help she needed. Until then, he'd just do what he could to remind her of reality, that she wasn't alone in everything.

Now, he really wanted to be there for Marinette, or Ladybug, whichever and both at the same time. He didn't even care at the moment if they were more than friends. He just didn't want to lose her. He was so terrified of losing her.

Chat quietly crept to Marinette's window, realizing that at two o'clock in the morning she was probably already asleep. Although he'd told Alya to stay with her, he knew she had likely had to go home hours ago. But at least Marinette's parents would be home with her, just in case.

A shudder ran over him as he peeked into the bedroom. He couldn't shake the memory of the last time he'd been here, like he was terrified he'd look in and find Marinette, his lady, laying there like the dead once again. But she wasn't laying on the floor. In fact, he couldn't even see the floor because it was so dark inside. She must have been asleep then.

Chat turned, settling himself quietly on the balcony.

He didn't have long to look out at the Parisian skyline. Only minutes later he heard a soft pop behind him and then a quiet and hesitant voice, "kitty?"

Marinette's sleepy speech washed over him, the way she called him by his nickname. Without turning to look at her, he now could hear both Ladybug and Marinette in her tone. Now, as he heard her call out to him, he couldn't believe how oblivious he had been. Only Ladybug and Marinette had ever called him kitty before.

He turned to look at the girl, whose sleepy eyes were just peeking out of the trap door. Her two pigtails, usually neat, were messy, and she wore just a tank top and her pajama bottoms. Chat was glad it was so dark out. It covered his blushing cheeks. Realizing this was his lady, looking so vulnerable and adorable before him, left him breathless.

"I thought you were sleeping," Chat said quietly.

"Oh, well I wasn't." Marinette gave him a hesitant smile then slowly climbed out of the window to join him on the balcony. "I couldn't sleep," she admitted, "but I guess I got plenty of sleep earlier."

The earlier she was referring to must have been when he'd found her on the bathroom floor. He was a little startled that she'd brought it up herself, and so early into the conversation. When he glanced over at her though, she had a sheepish but determined look on her face. Her hands were clasped in her lap as though she were holding onto herself for dear life.

And there. There was the bandage, still wrapped around her wrist, hiding the one thing that was on both of their minds, the thing both were a little too fearful to voice aloud. Once his eyes caught it, he couldn't look away.

He'd been running around, so busy, making so many plans, thinking about what to do for his Ladybug, and he hadn't taken much time to process this for himself. He'd taken a moment to cry, directly after finding out who Ladybug was and seeing her like he had, but that had been just an overwhelming jumble of emotions that had caught up to him in a moment. He hadn't thought about how this really impacted him, how this made him feel, until it hit him as he looked at Marinette's bandaged wrists.

It terrified him. All of this, it was more than he was prepared to handle. He had no idea what to do, had no idea how to help. The thought that he could do something wrong, that he could hurt her or make this worse, it was terrifying. The idea that she could do this again, or that something worse might happen, was beyond terrifying. It pushed him to something so beyond fear that he instinctually wanted nothing more than to slink back into a past where he had no idea about anything like this.

But then he looked up into those beautiful bluebell eyes. She'd called his name again, so hesitant and fearful. When he saw her face, he just knew that none of his own fears even mattered. He couldn't ignore them, but he'd push through them, for her. This was his lady, this was his clumsy little friend who cared so much about all her classmates and the people of Paris that she didn't just do her usual little acts of selfless kindness, she had taken on a superhero persona and the responsibility of all of Paris for them all. Who wouldn't want to love her? Who wouldn't feel honored to protect her?

"Chat?" Marinette asked, confused. He suddenly realized he'd been leaning towards her, looking at her in a way that definitely implied romantic interest. He pulled back. He couldn't do that right now, so suddenly. She had no idea he knew she was Ladybug.

"So sorry, princess," Chat said, passing her a soft and sheepish smile. She returned it with one equally as sheepish.

They were silent for a long moment. Marinette was looking out over the late-night skyline. Chat was looking at her, wondering what she was thinking. She finally seemed more awake then she had when she approached him on the balcony a few minutes before, and as she woke more and more, her face contorted into something like confusion.

"I was going to ask you something, Chat." She finally said, turning to look at him. There was a stubbornness in her eyes he rarely saw as Adrien. "How did you know to come look for me? Why were you in my house?"

That was a very good question, one he had not prepared an answer for. Should he just tell her the truth? That Tikki had led him to her? But that would reveal too quickly that he knew she was Ladybug.

"I was out waiting for Ladybug and when I came by my kitty senses started to tingle."

Marinette looked at him in amused disbelief, but Chat was relieved when she did not contradict him. As Marinette, she really had no proof that Chat didn't have some sort of superhero sixth-sense. She couldn't really argue with him unless she revealed she had some sort of inside knowledge, like admitting she was secretly the ladybug superhero.

"You were waiting for Ladybug?" She questioned, "Did she ever turn up?"

Chat grinned a bit to himself. He realized she was fishing, trying to gauge if Chat was mad at her other identity. It was a sneaky little trick, but he found he didn't mind too much.

"She didn't," Chat admitted, drawing his words out as he contemplated how to reassure her without giving away that he knew she was Ladybug. "I don't mind too much though. I was a bit disappointed," he admitted, "but I know she has a lot going on, and I don't think it was personal this time."

Marinette nodded, deep in thought, and her shoulders relaxed just a little. "I'm sure she didn't mean to leave you alone like that. She's probably very sorry for it."

"I know," was all Chat said.

They lapsed into silence for quite a while. When Marinette yawned, Chat decided he should end their little reverie so she could get some sleep. He hoped she wouldn't try to go to school tomorrow, but knowing her, she would go, even if she came entirely late and unprepared.

"I don't know the whole story, or why you did what you did tonight," Chat began. He noticed when Marinette tensed beside him, but he pushed on anyways. "I know we aren't good friends or anything." He said this for her benefit. In truth, he knew they were friends. Adrien was friends with Marinette. Chat was friends with Ladybug. But technically, Chat and Marinette were only a little better than acquaintances. "I know we aren't close, so this really doesn't mean much to you, but I do care. I want to be friends, if that's okay?"

Marinette was slow to smile, but she finally did. "I'd like that, I think." She paused, "And it means more to me than you realize."

…..

Marinette sighed when she fell back into her bed. Chat had left a few minutes ago, leaving her a little confused. Her emotions seemed to be in constant battle, even now.

Tikki came to hover beside her. The kwami had stayed behind when she went to investigate the stray cat on her balcony, but Tikki had come to the window to eavesdrop on the conversation. She knew Marinette wouldn't mind, and probably expected that she would.

And indeed, Marinette jumped right into conversing about what Chat had said, as though she knew the kwami had heard it all.

"Do you think he just wants to be friends with me because he pities me?" she asked the kwami.

Tikki flew forward to caress her chosen's cheek. "Of course not. You know Chat better than anyone. He is very genuine."

Marinette thought about this for a moment. "I want to believe that." She sighed, "I want to believe he really likes me, Marinette, enough to want to be friends. But I also know Chat, and he is very kind, beneath all his teasing. He might just be offering cause it's the right thing to do."

"You already know he likes you, Marinette. He's in love with you. You're his other half."

"He's in love with Ladybug," Marinette tried to correct, but she was not as emphatic as she meant to be. She felt a little confused about the matter after having such a conversation with Chat as her civilian self.

She sighed, giving in to the fact that really she had no control over this. She'd just have to wait and see if Chat really meant what he'd said.


	8. Chapter 8: Comfort

Ch. 8

Marinette did decide to go to school the next morning, but primarily because she didn't want to have to come up with another lie as an excuse for her parents. She felt sick of lying to the ones she loved, and she had determined to only do so when absolutely necessary to protect her identity.

She was late though, walking into class that morning. It reminded her of how much she missed Ms. Bustier when her new high school teacher immediately gave her a tardy, which added up to her fifth that semester, which meant she had a detention. Marinette had only sighed in resignation, then took her seat behind Adrien as usual.

Alya scooted toward her to whisper in her ear. "Adrien got a detention this morning too. You two obviously were made for each other. You're even tardy on the same days."

Marinette tensed a little at Adrien's name, but then she let herself chuckle at Alya's comment. Since last night, her disappointment in Adrien had faded significantly. In fact, she was a little glad that Adrien had a detention with her. She felt she might need to talk to him, and maybe apologize for her extreme reaction the day before.

Marinette pulled out a sheet of paper from her backpack. She spent most of her day in class bouncing between note-taking and rehearsing what to say to Adrien when she got the chance to talk to him. Before she knew it, class was over.

"Do you want me to hang out here and wait for you to get out?" Alya asked her after the final bell rang. She was putting away her books and preparing to leave Marinette and Adrien alone for their detention. Alya cast a not-so-subtle glance at the back of Adrien's head, asking silently if it was okay to leave Marinette alone with him. Marinette smiled at her friend and leaned forward, trying to keep her conversation as private as possible, but she knew Adrien could probably hear them.

"It's okay. I think I need to talk to him on my own anyway." Alya looked a little uncertain, and Marinette knew she was nervous since finding out Marinette's secret the night before. "But what if we plan a girl's night tomorrow, since it will be Friday?" Marinette added, knowing that it would reassure Alya and that she needed to make an effort to reconnect with her best friend anyways.

Alya's concern melted into a relieved smile. "Okay, girl. Sounds like a plan. I'll text you tonight so we can make plans."

Marinette nodded, then she watched silently as Alya left the room and shut the door behind her. She looked around. The room was empty save her, Adrien, and a half-asleep teacher at the desk in the front. Now was her chance to talk to Adrien, if she could build up the confidence to do it.

…

"Adrien?"

Adrien Agreste swallowed hard at the sound of Marinette calling him from behind. He'd overheard her talking to Alya, so he had known a conversation was coming. He cursed his luck that they would end up the only two in detention. It wasn't the first time this had happened, and now, knowing Marinette was ladybug, it made sense to him why their tardies and detentions always lined up. But it was just bad luck that they would be stuck alone together right after he'd cruelly rejected her the day before.

Adrien turned to her slowly. She was leaning over her desk to look at him, but her eyes were much softer than he'd expected.

"Do you want to sit up here with me?" she asked him, gesturing to the chair Alya had just vacated a few minutes before.

Adrien was torn, but he really didn't have much of a choice but to nod and gather his things. He was afraid of what she had to say to him, but he certainly wasn't going to be impolite to her after all the pain he had caused her the day before.

Once Adrien had settled into the seat, he took a deep breath and began. "I'm sorry about yesterday," he said. He figured it would be better if he began and got all of his regret off his chest before she said anything. The one thing he knew about both Marinette and Ladybug is that they could get quite fiery when they thought someone had wronged them. Marinette and Ladybug each were very stubborn about the people they didn't like, and Adrien realized then that this too should have been a clue that they were the same girl. Both had a stubborn and fiery dislike of Chloe and especially Lila.

The one thing Adrien knew for sure was that he didn't want to be added to the small list of people she disliked so passionately. Although he knew Marinette to be a kind person, he was terrified that he might have ruined any chances of reconciliation with her as Adrien.

Adrien rushed to say what he'd been wanting to tell her since the day before. "I wasn't thinking clearly about what I was saying yesterday. I'd had a long night and little sleep, and I didn't mean to hurt you. I hope you can forgive me." Adrien looked up at her sheepishly.

Marinette was frowning at him. At first, he thought she intended to reject his apology, and looking down at her wrist, which was covered by her sleeve but revealed the subtle outline of a hidden bandage, he couldn't fault her if she was still angry at him. After all, he had hurt her so badly as to cause her to do such a horrible thing.

Obviously, he reminded himself, he wasn't so self-absorbed as to think he was the only reason why she had done such a thing, but he couldn't help but think that if he had been gentler in her words that perhaps she wouldn't have done what she did.

But Marinette surprised him. She was always surprising him it seemed, and he had to wonder how well he really knew his friend. He hadn't ever even considered the possibility that she could be Ladybug, and he had never thought she could be hiding such depression behind her kind exterior. What else had he missed about Marinette.

"You don't need to apologize," Marinette said. She looked down at her hands, so she missed Adrien's gaze softening at her expression. "I was having a hard time too, so I think I overreacted. It's okay that you don't like me like that, but I hope we can still be friends."

Adrien took a moment to watch her, since she still seemed too self-conscious to look at him. She was twiddling her thumbs nervously, and biting her lip in the most adorable fashion. Adrien wanted nothing more than to tilt her chin to look at him so he could tell her that he had been wrong, that he could, and did, like her like that. In fact, he loved her. But he reminded himself that now was not the time to shock her with major revelations like that. And now that he had rejected her, he didn't think she'd believe him if he declared his love for her so suddenly.

"I'd like that." Adrien smiled. Since Marinette, kind and forgiving Marinette, was giving him this chance to still be friends with her, he would have to use it to prove to her he could love her, to counteract the damage he had already caused.

….

After the detention let out, Marinette did not go home. Instead, she wandered the park alone. Tikki stayed quiet in her purse, somehow sensing that Marinette just needed some peace.

She still felt like something was pushing on her chest, a slow and subtle drowning feeling that was just bearable enough to try to ignore. She couldn't tell if her conversation with Adrien had relieved her or simply pushed her deeper into this numb feeling. She'd been surprised how easy it was to talk to him now that she had given up on him. There hadn't been any anxiety there to make her stutter, just a slow and sure knowledge that she could never be good enough for him. It had been a bit of a relief to finally admit something she'd known to be true in her heart for so long, even if it hurt.

She wondered if it might just be better for her to finally admit all the other areas in which she failed, the places where she would never be good enough. Certainly, giving up would be much easier.

Marinette sighed, pulling herself out of her thoughts. She wasn't quite ready to admit all of that yet, even if it would be easier. She still had people she didn't want to let down, like her parents and Tikki and Chat. As long as they believed in her, she didn't think she could take the easy way out. Her fear of disappointing them was still stronger than her exhaustion.

She needed to get out of her head, to find some wort of distraction or comfort. She didn't want to fall back into whatever dark hole had consumed her the day before.

Marinette put her hand over her purse, contemplating her options. Tikki was in there, and she knew she could always talk to the kwami. She also reminded herself that she had a phone to contact Chat now, if she wanted to confide in her partner.

But what would she tell either of them? Tikki and Chat believed in Ladybug, the stronger side of herself. She knew Ladybug had made mistakes in the past, but Ladybug was strong enough to do the right thing, to be relied on, and good enough to love. Her Marinette side simply felt like a failure lately, someone who could never compare to the superhero persona. Right now she needed someone who could make the Marinette side feel like something more than a failure.

So, without much thought, Marinette turned in the direction of Luka's.

Luka was on the deck of the Liberty when Marinette arrived. Like usual, he had his guitar out and was plucking quietly at the strings. His face was turned up, and his eyes were closed, concentrated but content. Marinette slowed her pace, ears strained to pick out the melody he was plucking softly. She recognized it almost immediately. It was the song he had played for her, her heartsong, he had called it.

As Marinette got closer though, the song began to make her feel breathless. He was playing her song, but this time it felt much sadder, lonelier, than it had before. Although, she couldn't quite distinguish what was different about it.

She stopped once she set foot on the deck of the boat. As though her sensed her somehow, Luka stopped playing and opened his eyes. He met her gaze.

There was a question in Luka's eyes when he saw her, but the only thing he said was her name. Marinette gave him a smile, but knew as soon as it graced her lips that it was not sincere. As she walked closer, she could tell that Luka hadn't bought her fake smile either. He slung his guitar over his back and greeted her.

"Marinette, what are you doing here?"

She rocked on her heels sheepishly and looked away as she came up with a simple excuse. "I had nothing to do tonight and I, um, thought I would see if you'd give me another guitar lesson."

Luka looked at her for a very long moment then smiled. "Sure. Anything for you."

He led her down to his room, where she plopped onto his bed with a sigh. Luka sat close next to her, but not so close as to be inappropriate, but Marinette still blushed. She took his guitar from his outstretched hands, but then paused, a question on her lips. She held the guitar back out to him.

"Can you play the song you wrote me again?"

Luka nodded. When he began to strum once again, Marinette closed her eyes so she could truly listen. She was right. It was sadder than before, although she didn't know why.

"It sounds different," she confessed out loud.

"Music isn't static. What we hear is often a reflection of what's in our hearts." He paused, and silence echoed around her until Marinette opened her eyes to find Luka watching her. "What do you hear when you listen?" he asked.

She met his eyes and answered him as truthfully as she could. "It's … haunted."


	9. Chapter 9: Chat's Oblivious Lady

**A/N I'm sorry it's been so long since I posted anything, and now just a short kinda fluffy chapter (but I love Marichat fluff anyways, so maybe it isn't that disappointing). Anyways, I have been super busy. I am currently 8 months pregnant with my first, so my hubby and I have been trying to get prepared for that happening soon. I am hoping to keep updating, but I might disappear sometimes. I don't know how much free time I'll have once baby gets here. But I don't plan to give up on this story! (Even if I am currently experiencing some writer's block).**

Ch. 9

Marinette had just finished washing the tear stains from her cheeks when she heard knocking coming from her balcony window. She grabbed for a towel she'd left by her sink to wipe the water dripping from her face and then made her way to the balcony. There was only one person who could sneak onto her balcony to see her, and she would have been annoyed at his sudden appearance a couple of hours ago. But after her cry with Luka earlier, she wasn't dreading company quite so much.

She was glad she'd gone to see Luka, although she felt a little guilty too. She knew Luka had feelings for her, and she'd used him for comfort more than once despite knowing that he did. But Luka hadn't seemed to mind, and he was one of the few people Marinette knew who never pressed his expectations on her. It had been a relief to be with him, to cry in his arms, and then to listen to him play his music to calm her.

Now she felt like she had the wherewithal to open her door to Chat Noir, who would probably have a lot of questions about her wellbeing, especially with her eyes still puffy from her cry a couple of hours before.

Chat Noir dropped gracefully through her trap door and into a very cat-like crouch when she let him in. He was smiling until he caught her eye and, more importantly, caught sight of her red-rimmed lids.

"Mari," he exclaimed, coming forward as though he were intending to wrap her in an embrace. He seemed to think better of it, stopping just in front of her. After a moment of hesitation, he reached out one clawed finger to gently rub her cheek.

Marinette sighed, then smiled at him before pulling away. She had to remind herself that she was Marinette right now, barely an acquaintance to Chat, not his partner and best friend. She led him to sit with her on her chaise.

"What are you doing here, Chat?"

"Can't I just check in on a friend?"

"We aren't friends, Chat."

As soon as the words left her mouth she wanted to take them back, realizing how blunt she'd been. She was relieved when she looked up to find Chat pouting at her playfully.

He scooted closer to her. "Well, we better fix that, then." Chat's mischievous grin was familiar to Marinette. She'd seen it many times as Ladybug, so she knew to expect some ridiculous and dramatic display from the kitty. Never one to disappoint, Chat took her hand in his and gracefully flipped around so that he was on one knee in front of her. Marinette raised an eyebrow.

"Princess, will you do me the honor of becoming my friend?"

Marinette couldn't help it. She giggled, reaching around her body to grab at her side and doubling over with laughter. She'd never let herself be so unrestrained as Ladybug, but she found that Marinette had no problem goofing off with her partner.

Once her giggles had subsided, she nodded. "Of course I would, kitty," she said, reaching out to playfully flick his bell.

Chat grinned. "Purrrrfect." He pulled himself back onto the chaise, this time sitting much closer. He didn't let go of her hand. Instead, he squeezed it. "Then, my first order of business as your friend is to ask how you are doing."

Marinette sighed and looked down at their hands. Instinctually she wanted to pull away, even though she had to admit that the contact was nice. She reminded herself though that she was not Ladybug right now, and Chat didn't have a crush on Marinette, so she wasn't leading him on by accepting his comfort. So, instead of pulling away, she did what she really wanted to do instead. She scooched closer and laid her head on Chat's broad shoulder.

Marinette couldn't see when Chat's eyes widened slightly in surprise. This wasn't what he was used to with either Marinette or Ladybug. Marinette was always a nervous wreck around Adrien, and Ladybug would have pulled away from Chat Noir. He suddenly wished he had known Ladybug's identity long ago so he could have taken the opportunity to be with her like this sooner.

All while Chat was thinking of these things, Marinette was thinking about how to answer his question. She realized that she didn't want to lie to him and pretend everything was alright, but she wasn't quite ready to divulge everything to him either. Anyways, it would be weird if Marinette trusted him so quickly, so she needed to be at least a little careful.

She sighed, her breath brushing against Chats throat and jaw as she did so. Chat tensed for a moment at the sensation, but Marinette was too busy gathering her words to notice.

"I think I'm doing okay, Chat," she said slowly. "I saw a friend today, and he is so accepting, he just let me cry with him, and that helped a lot. I've just been really stressed lately, and a little lonely I guess."

"Lonely?" Chat couldn't help but question immediately. "Don't you have any friends that you trust?"

His breath caught, awaiting her answer. Did she really think so little of him, or even any of her friends, as to not think they would be there for her?

"Of course I trust my friends!" She sat up suddenly and turned to look him in the eye. "I love them so much, but ..." She trailed off, taking a big breath. "There are some things I can't tell them, not because I don't want to, but because I have a responsibility to keep certain things secret. It makes it really hard to go to them about some things. Sometimes its just easier to be on my own, so I don't have to lie all the time." She looked down at their entwined hands. Sighing once again, she pulled away before standing and walking over to her desk. She plopped down in the desk chair and brought her knees up to her chest.

Marinette was waiting for Chat to question her about what secret she had to keep so dear, but he didn't ask. She found it a little suspicious that her curious cat wouldn't ask. "Aren't you going to ask me what is so secret I can't tell my friends?"

"No," he said after a moment of confusion melted from his face. He'd forgotten for a moment to pretend he didn't already know what secret she was talking about. "Sometimes its okay to have secrets. I know I have a few."

Marinette laughed a little under her breath. "Of course you do kitty. How could I forget." She smiled at him ruefully. Chat didn't respond, and silence hung in the air between them for a long moment.

Marinette shifted awkwardly in her chair, looking anywhere but at Chat. Her eyes finally landed on her laptop, the perfect distraction.

"Let's watch a movie," she proposed, already standing to pull her laptop from her desk. Chat just blinked at her. Before he could question her, she had slipped an unidentified dvd into her laptop and dragged a table over to set it up in front of him. She plopped down on the chaise beside him, pulling a fuzzy green blanket with cat prints over their laps. Chat couldn't help but to smile down at her cuddled in the material.

Confusion passed over Marinette's face when she looked up at Chat. Then she glanced down at the patterned blanket and blushed, realizing what he was smiling about.

"I like cats is all," Marinette muttered, covering half her face with the blanket out of embarrassment.

Chat chuckled to cover the purr building in his chest. His lady was so cute. "Why wouldn't you," he replied, "we are very lovable." He winked.

Marinette scoffed and rolled her eyes at his flirting, but she was smiling. "Save it for Ladybug, you silly kitty." With that she leaned forward and started the movie.

"Sooooo... what are we watching my – um – princess?" He winced at his near slipup, but Marinette was already paying more attention to the screen than to him.

"Tangled," she answered simply.

Chat raised his eyebrows at the unexpectedly childlike movie, but didn't argue. Instead, he simply settled in to watch.

And he had no problem doing so until the movie took a romantic turn, leading him to steal glances at the beauty beside him. Marinette seemed to be clueless to his thoughts, and as Flinn and Rapunzel began their duet "I See the Light," she sighed and leaned her head on Chat's shoulder. His heart picked up a beat, and he had to fight the instinct to brush his gloved hand over her cheek and to gently push her bangs away from her half-lidded eyes. She was so near to sleep, so into the movie, so oblivious to his feelings that perhaps she wouldn't even notice, Chat thought, and his hand twitched toward her.

Then he stopped himself. Now was not the time to make romantic advances. Marinette needed him to be a friend, and she didn't need the drama of him hitting on her when she was not interested. He couldn't take the chance right now that she would push him away.

So Chat kept his hands tucked securely within the blankets, and he allowed himself only to steal the occasional glance until she had fallen into a deep slumber on his shoulder. Then, and only then, did he allow his attention to turn fully from the movie's end to her peaceful expression.


End file.
